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Open Poetry #12
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A Simple Observation
| Open Poetry #12 |
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A Simple Observation |
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Jazzmole Junior Member
since 2001-02-15
Posts 30Texas |
A man, a boy--a father and son, the uncaught fish and the empty gun, the vacant seat at my winning run, how I tried. Slicing stares like shards of glass, my punctured soul, the buckle's brass, the innocence spilled from that broken flask long has died. My brother, his seed--a child and dad, in them I see what I never had, the friendship, the laughter; I needed so bad, too late. In them we set all our hopeful sights, in them we fly all our windless kites, in them subside our malicious fights, and hate. Michael~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael - All Rights Reserved | |||
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NC Member
since 2001-02-20
Posts 89 |
a very powerful piece of writing... well said and done...thanks for posting it |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Yes I wanted that friendship and laughter also...James |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~I realize that you encourage critiques, but would you settle for a simple comment,...about this piece just stamping itself, imprinting it's 'heart' right on me. Fueled words,...good read. *Peace. |
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Celeste Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597 |
Powerful writing. I applaud. You have a very individual style that I really like. Nice job on this!  "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
You form here, I particularly like. Very well expressed. Poeminister |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I know what you mean...I got lucky and had a Grandfather that did all those things with me. I posted a poem here once called Grandpa and many many could relate to the same things...it's a real emotional trauma to be on the outside looking in..... take care ethome The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges. |
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Jazzmole Junior Member
since 2001-02-15
Posts 30Texas |
*blushing* awww, thanks everybody. Most of my writing tends to come out in free-verse style, but for some reason, this felt like it needed rhyme and meter. Thanks again for the comments, I'm sure Severn will appear with her magic red wand and critique it for me *wink wink* Michael~ |
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