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startin_fresh
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 137
US

0 posted 2001-02-24 07:38 AM

Tonight I pulled to the curb in the fog
Walking on the bridge the cool mist stung
As though God knew I wouldn't show tears
So he placed them there for me instead

I walked over to the railing
After 4 years it's over for good
Once adoring friends and lovers
Many hopes and dreams to fulfill

My hands shaking I grabbed hold
And leaned out looking at the water
So quiet the current on this murky night
So still in spite of the breeze that held me

Grasp tight in the palm of my hand
A single photo of you and the cross
That you gave me for protection
I could barely choke back the tears

I stood by you during sickness and health
Through all the cruelness of the world
Then in one stinging blow you wiped out
Four years of friendship and devotion

You tell me that people wouldn't understand
The type friends that we'd become
Cyber friends with a small touch of reality
As reality's dagger plunged into me.

I clung to the railing trying to decide
Whether to let go of you and
Release all the pain within me
And let the current take it to the sea.

I no longer could contain the sobs
As i climbed the rail and leaned out
I took your picture and wrapped it
In the cross you had given me

I hurled it into the wind watching
As it floated to the river's tide
I felt so lost and empty now
As I watched the last part of us die.

It's not so much the loss of Romance
That has burned me like hell's flames
But the singular loss of the promise
The promise made that we would always be friends.

I climbed in grabbing the wheel
I felt the moistness on my face
Realizing it wasn't just the mist
But a tide of sorrowful tears.

Was this what i wanted I was asked
I replied no but it is time I said
She's found someone and I am reminder
Of the baggage of a former life.

I can't cling to what isn't there
No more hope no more cares
No wishing and wondering when
I would hold you in my arms.

Tonight I bid you farewell
And a happy life with your new love.
Tonight I released the spirit that held
You so deep within me.

Goodbye, I love you I said
As I watched the picture sink
God be with you my friend
Because I no longer can.

Turning away the headlights
Blind me as the car approaches
"Hey are you ok? You alright?"
I simply replied with a nod.

I left as quietly as I had come
No one would ever know
I came to the river with you
And then left all alone.

"You can't reason with your heart; it has it's own laws and thumps about things which the intellect scorns."
~ Mark Twain

[This message has been edited by startin_fresh (edited 02-24-2001).]

dgvarner
Member Elite

since 2000-05-13

Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

1 posted 2001-02-24 08:37 AM

WOW...

the pain is so very raw...

excellently written my friend...but it hurts to read it...

best wishes to you..

hugs, g

"there is no BEST in a world of INDIVIDUALS..."

"FORGIVENESS is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me..."

-unknown

[This message has been edited by dgvarner (edited 02-24-2001).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

2 posted 2001-02-24 08:59 AM

But the singular loss of the promise
The promise made that we would always be friends.

isn't this one of the saddest parts..that we at least can't remain friends even though promised? You wrote this so well. I was there with you on that bridge, gripping the rail beside you with one hand and the other on your shoulder making sure you didn't fall in too...

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

startin_fresh
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 137
US

3 posted 2001-02-24 07:46 PM

Thank you for your thoughts. You are a wonderful group. you are non-judgemental, accepting, and caring for those who have a kindred spirit. I am grateful for this forum. I don't get to come here and participate as I would love to do. I am thankful that this forum exists.

Shawn

"You can't reason with your heart; it has it's own laws and thumps about things which the intellect scorns."
~ Mark Twain

Julie Jordan Scott
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 146
Bakersfield, CA USA

4 posted 2001-02-25 01:06 PM

Excellent portrayal of deep feelings, my friend, and a step towards wholeness.

Hugs,

JULIE

Aimster
Member Elite

since 2000-02-19

Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC

5 posted 2001-02-25 02:05 PM

Shawn~

i've never had the pleasure of
reading your work before...but i am
glad for the chance today. this just
broke my heart as i read it, and the
tears flowed freely from my eyes. i can
in some ways relate to the pain that you
have penned here. you have an amazing
talent poet friend of mine--never stop.
writing allows us to heal and gives us
comfort through our darkest days. god
bless you and take care

amy

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2001-02-25 02:21 PM

Sometimes life is letting go...with acceptance comes strength and new opportunities...James

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

7 posted 2001-02-25 03:21 PM

Tonight I pulled to the curb in the fog
Walking on the bridge the cool mist stung
As though God knew I wouldn't show tears
So he placed them there for me instead

I walked over to the railing
After 4 years it's over for good
Once adoring friends and lovers
Many hopes and dreams to fulfill

My hands shaking I grabbed hold
And leaned out looking at the water
So quiet the current on this murky night
So still in spite of the breeze that held me

Grasp tight in the palm of my hand
A single photo of you and the cross
That you gave me for protection
I could barely choke back the tears

I stood by you during sickness and health
Through all the cruelness of the world
Then in one stinging blow you wiped out
Four years of friendship and devotion

You tell me that people wouldn't understand
The type friends that we'd become
Cyber friends with a small touch of reality
As reality's dagger plunged into me.

I clung to the railing trying to decide
Whether to let go of you and
Release all the pain within me
And let the current take it to the sea.

I no longer could contain the sobs
As i climbed the rail and leaned out
I took your picture and wrapped it
In the cross you had given me

I hurled it into the wind watching
As it floated to the river's tide
I felt so lost and empty now
As I watched the last part of us die.

It's not so much the loss of Romance
That has burned me like hell's flames
But the singular loss of the promise
The promise made that we would always be friends.

I climbed in grabbing the wheel
I felt the moistness on my face
Realizing it wasn't just the mist
But a tide of sorrowful tears.

Was this what i wanted I was asked
I replied no but it is time I said
She's found someone and I am reminder
Of the baggage of a former life.

I can't cling to what isn't there
No more hope no more cares
No wishing and wondering when
I would hold you in my arms.

Tonight I bid you farewell
And a happy life with your new love.
Tonight I released the spirit that held
You so deep within me.

Goodbye, I love you I said
As I watched the picture sink
God be with you my friend
Because I no longer can.

Turning away the headlights
Blind me as the car approaches
"Hey are you ok? You alright?"
I simply replied with a nod.

I left as quietly as I had come
No one would ever know
I came to the river with you
And then left all alone."

You left with peace, though didn't you? These words made me literally shake and cry. I'm crying right now. I've lived every one, to a degree, not the exact things you portrayed but I know the sting of dismissal. Sometimes it comes without even the decency of a true dismissal but you know it in your heart. Blessings to you and may you never be treated like this again. No friend would do this. God bless.

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

8 posted 2001-02-25 03:36 PM

So sad..
The ending to a love is so sad..
As they found someone new
I do not doubt so will you..
Emotional poem..

~*Peachy Be*~

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

9 posted 2001-02-25 04:00 PM

The thing is, the love you felt for your friend, the memories are not ever lost...and remain a part of who you are forever. Very emotionally powerful writing...well done!

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

10 posted 2001-02-25 04:16 PM

Shawn,

Powerful writing filled with raw emotion and images of letting go of the past in order to move on. Not an easy thing to do, I know. It is sad that the friendship that was there first is always the price we pay. Just doesn't seem fair to me. I know you have the strength to carry on or you could not have left alone that night. Well written.

Lone Wolf

Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

startin_fresh
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 137
US

11 posted 2001-02-25 05:03 PM

Thank you all.

"You can't reason with your heart; it has it's own laws and thumps about things which the intellect scorns."
~ Mark Twain

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

12 posted 2001-02-26 05:21 AM

I lived this! it was so vivid and real.
write on
Kethry.

Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

13 posted 2001-02-28 09:49 AM

It's not so much the loss of Romance
That has burned me like hell's flames
But the singular loss of the promise
The promise made that we would always be friends.

This absolutely breaks my heart... and you've written the anguish of broken promises so well.

2dalimit
Member Elite

since 2000-02-08

Posts 2228
Mississippi coast

14 posted 2001-03-04 08:58 AM

I'm catchin_up, "startin-fresh".
I enjoyed your story. You seemed to have handled it well, without violence, to start a fresh life.
Melton

rottyguy
New Member

since 2001-03-04

Posts 6

15 posted 2001-03-04 07:55 PM

wow! well done here.

"I left as quietly as I had come
No one would ever know
I came to the river with you
And then left all alone."

was particularly poignant.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy lo

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