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Lisann
Member

since 2001-01-31

Posts 350

0 posted 2001-02-23 02:01 AM

This is a very long poem that I wrote one night when I wasn't able to sleep----due to nightmares. Once you read the poem I'm sure you'll understand why.

CHILDREN OF WAR

I've never been a soldier
But I know what war is like.
Having survived a childhood
Besieged by enemies
More dangerous and decietful
than those armies
Faced with guns.

MY FOES WERE ALCOHOLISM AND ABUSE

And I was unarmed.
I never got
Just the one year
tour of duty,
In some battle torn country.
I was there for the duration of 10 years.

Just like a soldier
who has no life of his own.
I was the systems possession.
Theirs to send where they wanted.
From foster home to foster home
When the burden of raising me
Pushed them to the limit.
But it wasn't "rest and relaxation" for me.
Because no matter where I went
The disease ran rampant through my family.

Foster home to foster home
With no family or love
to provide me with.
DAMN THIS SYSTEM
YOU HAVE FAILED ME ONCE TO OFTEN!

Bedroom inspections were always on tuesdays
If everything was perfect
we could go outside and play
but a paper out of place or a messy bed,
we'd pay dearly.

Normal childhood activities , like play?
NOT THIS CHILD.
I was always combat ready.
Training myself to survive.
I had to be on guard, alert.

Night times were the worst
But,
Unlike armed camps
There wasn't any sentries
Laying in my bed
Hovering between exhaustion and sleep.
Listening for the whisper of the intruder.
Just in case he came into my room.
Or waking to find that he had already infiltrated
and was laying on top of me.
How could I do anything else.........
EXCEPT PLAY DEAD?

My childhood was a war zone
As frightening and devestating as vietnam.
A battleground of fear.
Where discord and conflict were the rules.
Once in a while,
When I allow the feelings
stored since childhood
Bubble to the surface,
I have a hard time
Keeping them under control.
I immediately want to flee.
Destroy something
SOMETIMES..................
EVEN
ME!

Lisann
Member

since 2001-01-31

Posts 350

1 posted 2001-02-23 03:20 AM

Sorry guys if that last line sounds very dark and drab. It is not at all meant to sound as though I am suicidal. because I am not. I have way too much too live for. I have a beautiful baby girl and a very first and so far very strong friendship. so things are not as drab and depressing as this poem seems to be. I wrote this poem after one of my nightmares. occassionally i have feelings like destroying my body so as to ensure no one would ever abuse it again. but now that i am developing healthy relationships filled with love i can begin to replace those angry hateful feelings with positive ones.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

2 posted 2001-02-26 03:28 PM

Lisann: This brings tears to my eyes... No child should have to endure such a life. Unfortunately, bureaucrats trusted with doing what's best leave children vulnerable to such abuse when other hearts are yearning to give them the love they so richly deserve. You've written a painful, powerful piece here... good luck to you and your baby!

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2003-11-25 01:52 AM

Lisann~
Thumbing through the archives ... and wanting to let you know that just because you haven't been here for so long, ... doesn't mean that your words archived here have lost their impact on others~

I miss you and hope you are doing well~
Hoping you'll drop in from time to time~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
noles1@totcon.com

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