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Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

0 posted 2001-02-21 08:17 PM

Club Clandestine

A hiss of static cracks the calm,
safe within muffled cubbies
the scandalmongers
huddle
sure in the truths
of their tattling,
there is, after all,
a consensus.

Meanwhile,
stirrings
of discomfort
zing and ping -
the atmosphere
of distrust
visible as dust motes,
cloying the re-circulated air.

Smile the guild smile,
do that dangerous
secret handshake,
letter-opener daggers
cold against palms,
a club clandestine.

© 2001 Corinne Bailey

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2001-02-21 08:42 PM

You said this, very, very well. And it always amazes me how tightly organized it seems. Thank you, Corinne.

" Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
T.S. Eliot

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

2 posted 2001-02-21 10:06 PM

Another one by you enjoyed by me!

Cor,
You really do have a gift.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

3 posted 2001-02-22 06:00 AM

" A hiss of static cracks the calm,
safe within muffled cubbies
the scandalmongers
huddle
sure in the truths
of their tattling,
there is, after all,
a consensus.

Meanwhile,
stirrings
of discomfort
zing and ping -
the atmosphere
of distrust
visible as dust motes,
cloying the re-circulated air.

Smile the guild smile,
do that dangerous
secret handshake,
letter-opener daggers
cold against palms,
a club clandestine."

Bold images, few modifiers, perfect punctuation as far as I can see,
originality, only 2 prepositional phrases, offers more than one meaning
depending on the reader, I believe, and that's a hard thing to do. The line
breaks are even and well spaced and Corinne, you've done it again!

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2001-02-22 07:39 AM

Corinne~
I think the consensus is
that you're right on ... again !

I enjoy your glances of wisdom.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2001-02-22 09:31 AM

Corinne,
Tender and sharp you took a good bite, enjoyed

Parker
Member Elite

since 2000-01-06

Posts 3129
ON

6 posted 2001-02-22 10:19 AM

Interesting piece here.... did you try to join the masons.

Where do you get these inspirations, Corinne.

Park

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite

since 2000-08-04

Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

7 posted 2001-02-22 10:29 AM

No one posting here -
is in need of less critique than You
in fact - this one is as close to perfect
as any ever get =
truly supurb writing!

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

8 posted 2001-02-22 02:46 PM

Thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement!

I love this place!

Corinne

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