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Open Poetry #12
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PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

0 posted 2001-02-16 05:21 PM


Upon waking this morning
To behold all that is surreal
Though the sun be dawning
It cannot help the way that I feel
On the road to fame and fortune
Something happened along the way
The world began to turn to grey

I can remember it clearly now
Every moment of every dream
Something missing somehow
Images cut from different scenes
I know what it’s like to despair
To forget what was meant to say
At home in the house of play

Know now full well the story entire
Of once upon a some other time
The storyteller branded a liar
Cursed for happy endings stolen in kind
Somehow the road detoured
Began as the brightest day today
Then the world turned to grey


© Copyright 2001 J.M. Landry - All Rights Reserved
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
1 posted 2001-02-16 05:26 PM


Life is sure full of its ups and downs...but the challange of being happy with the purpose of the downs...is a challange that makes life's ups so wonderful and sweet...we are all fighting something somehere somehow....it's our attitude that makes us appreciate it as a challange....good work!!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

bbent
Senior Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 521
Alaska
2 posted 2001-02-16 08:02 PM


Damn good thing there's a tomorrow eh?
I enjoyed this..........Peace


~ live and let live ~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-02-17 12:22 PM


I can remember it clearly now
Every moment of every dream
Something missing somehow
Images cut from different scenes
I know what it’s like to despair
To forget what was meant to say
At home in the house of play

Know now full well the story entire
Of once upon a some other time
The storyteller branded a liar
Cursed for happy endings stolen in kind
Somehow the road detoured
Began as the brightest day today
Then the world turned to grey
=====================

your cadence is dead on in this poignant, melancholy piece ...
this is perfect read aloud
very cool in its use of phrasing and imagery.

"On the road to fame and fortune
Something happened along the way"

"Something missing somehow
Images cut from different scenes"

"To forget what was meant to say"

"Know now full well the story entire

"Of once upon a some other time"

"The storyteller branded a liar"

"Cursed for happy endings stolen in kind"


excellent use of unique phrases to illustrate the dark, somewhat cryptic and bitter, edge to this.
I have always enjoyed/appreciated this side of your writing.
You write of emotions and realities,
that Im sure far too many of us relate to each day.
happy endings are harder to come by than we grow up believing in.
but, I had to smile when I read that first verse,
seeing your musical influences coming into play...
which is always cool when we are inspired in that way...
a well written and conceived piece of work here poet sir...
written with your trademark intensity and depth of expression.(always way cool)
mind if I add it to my PK collection *S*
I'll trade ya a verse for a verse


"We're living in a world full of illusion
Everything is so unreal
My mind is in a state of confusion
But I can't deny the way I feel"
~DepecheMode~

As sure as God made wine
you can't wrap your arms around a memory
In the dark for me
youre the candle flame that flickers to life
~Mission UK~





[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 02-17-2001).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
4 posted 2001-02-18 06:53 AM


Poeticknight,
I loved the line "The storyteller branded a liar." It has such a genuine ring to it.
Write on
Kethry


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA
5 posted 2001-02-19 09:47 AM


Thanks to everyone for replying.

JM, I don't know what you are talking about...musical influences, there was no Depeche Mode going thru my head on this one. Sorry.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2001-02-19 11:03 AM


my mistake ... please forgive the misread ...
the song was in my head that day when I read this ...
so the apology is mine to make ...
I tend to get carried away in replies(I hope I didnt offend)
but my compliments of this piece was other wise sincere...
its an excellent write. sorry for the confusion.
jm


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2001-03-16 02:31 PM


PK, thank you for this....I needed a gray day to see the beam of light coming through...
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