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Open Poetry #12
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after the drought
| Open Poetry #12 |
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after the drought |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298
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My fingers touch the wetness on my shirt spilling freely from my eyes, and marvel at moisture from a well I thought long dry. I had thrown away the bucket the rope was rotted anyway. I umbrella’d my protection pulled it up tight all around I thought I was immune to wetness the sight of you proved otherwise. [This message has been edited by jellybeans (edited 02-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Quite a stimulating piece of work....I enjoyed the perspective picture...good stuff! Reality seldom bears the possibilities of imagination! |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
thanks  this was one i wasn't sure of...thanks again |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey there - I like this... just a couple of suggestions... I'd make the i's all capital - it just looks better in a poem and also...you're kind of inconsistent with your punctuation. In all honesty I think this poem would look better with no punctuation at all...many free verse poems suit that. I like the way you have used 'umbrella'd' - that's cool.. Thank for the read and the chance to comment...  K |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
thanks severn, and yep I know, I have been fighting with the idea of punctuation...can't decide if I like some or none, or sentence structure...this one sorta got caught in the middle.....I appreciate your suggestions |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Loling - I appreciate those thoughts! I have just recently written a 12 verse poem - full punctuation, yet still free verse...punctuation is a head ache - but I have found that usually all or none works best for each individual poem. Hey - if you want to compare notes feel free to email me K...and I have found that a lifetime can be lived in one moment... T.G.M. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
If only there was a market for tears, we'd be the latest millionaires! *G* Some faucets never run dry... fortunately, some friends don't mind getting wet. *S* |
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Agent696_DS Junior Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 33NY, USA |
Very nice It is true that some events get the wells to flow again. Take comfert in knowing we all go through times like this. I hope the wells get filled with joy soon.. |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
severn, yep I know, I still fight that punctuation monster...and yes I agree, either full capitalization and punctuation or none, is best.....course when you are somewhere in the middle and you don't even know your name what can you expect from writing  suthern...sigh...yep, some friends don't mind getting wet ...good thing it goes both ways agent...thankyou much for your kindness |
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