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Open Poetry #11
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Velveteen
| Open Poetry #11 |
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Velveteen |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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In silence of the velveteen upon the stealth of in between. A toy in tatters on the shelf begriming dust with tears of self… very nearly hugged to death seams asunder, love’s last breath and stuffing of a heart’s sweet dream The spill of love – the rabbit’s scream A quickening of alchemy o-see-what-love-can-do-to-me… I pray you’ve art of stitchery, and suture the remains of me. And even bunnies still in plush have longing for the need of touch. Forgotten toy upon the shelf— in regret of loss of self, the need for one transforming tear, simplicity of holding near… With no imagine of enough… in flutter of a life within to feel, to know the birth of sin Aspersion, all be cast aside and know ye now I daily die. But leave me to my dusty shelf— at least I know the house of self familiarity therein— I could not bear begin again so leave me to my chosen hell. Build me walls, of blocked cubed halls And poems vague---disguised of spell, clipped of wings, an angel falls a call of flesh's unruly dwell. No longer do I wish to feel— Do not love me, make me real… Never will I feel, AMEND The fool has journey’d once again… A velveteen of hungry heart… and every word recalled--surreal. But touch me not— I’ll stay forgot— upon my shelf, remain unreal. [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 01-09-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Serenity~ Oooh-Oooh ~ deja vu I LOVED it and it also reminds me of something that came tumbling out of me once-upon-a-time. Take a look-see ~ /pip/Forum4/HTML/002150.html Spirits walking, love. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Excellent! Wonderfully woven. Love the correlation between one of my favorite children's stories that I never heard until an adult and one's experience with love and its loss. Beautifully done, a sad, somber ending though. Powerfully poignant piece, serenity! I think it may be my favorite of yours, though I know I've not seen them all. |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
On a lonely shelf a tear splashes in the dust Echoes through the halls /:^ (== =#= |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Serenity. Your thoughts speak strongly in this piece. I like muchly the rhyme and rhythm...excellent writing... take care, Poeminister |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
...sadly beautiful. You get better with each post....  |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
What an incredible write, this is so visual. Seren wonderful expression of emotion penned...well done ~HUG~ Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is an incredible write but can I be honest? I haven't a clue as to what it all means. does this refer to Alice in Wonderland? "In silence of the velveteen upon the stealth of in between. A toy in tatters on the shelf begriming dust with tears of self… very nearly hugged to death seams asunder, love’s last breath and stuffing of a heart’s sweet dream The spill of love – the rabbit’s scream A quickening of alchemy o-see-what-love-can-do-to-me… I pray you’ve art of stitchery, and suture the remains of me." I liked this very much but I'm confused between bunnies, angel's wings and dust. I read and re-read but I don't understand it. Thanks! "Every man dies. Not every man truly lives." Braveheart Kathleen |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
o-see-what-love-can-do-to-me… I pray you’ve art of stitchery, and suture the remains of me. I loved The Velveteen Rabbit and reread it every year.. and as I sew I understand perfectly the art of stitchery, this was excellent writing..and no matter how he/she is mended or dressed...it's the heart inside that counts...huggzz for a very fine write...*s ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
painful... very real and painful and i felt every word.... i once used a line in a poem about being a package put on a shelf, too... this is incredibly well done, k.... and ... i have so much i want to say about it but i'll just offer ((((hugs)))) and thank you for all you are.... this one literally made me cry... i think it's a marathon... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The spill of love – the rabbit’s scream A quickening of alchemy o-see-what-love-can-do-to-me… I pray you’ve art of stitchery, and suture the remains of me. ========================= Forgotten toy upon the shelf— in regret of loss of self, the need for one transforming tear, simplicity of holding near… With no imagine of enough… in flutter of a life within to feel, to know the birth of sin Aspersion, all be cast aside and know ye now I daily die. ==================== I could not bear begin again so leave me to my chosen hell. Build me walls, of blocked cubed halls And poems vague---disguised of spell, clipped of wings, an angel falls a call of flesh's unruly dwell. No longer do I wish to feel— Do not love me, make me real… Never will I feel, AMEND The fool has journey’d once again… A velveteen of hungry heart… and every word recalled--surreal. But touch me not— I’ll stay forgot— upon my shelf, remain unreal. ====================== Sen this is such an impressive piece of writing... once again you raise the level ... all your efforts, all your workshops and studying ... your desire to work at your craft to grow as a writer ... they are all showcased here ... your use of metaphor here is outstanding as it the rhyme flow ... the vocabulary use of unique words and phrases made the imagery and emotions rise of the page ... and as for the emotions... well baby... you already know ... awesome write me twin...its a beautiful thing to watch you grow ... you ARE A POET ... you ARE a WRITER ... nothing and no one can take that from you... love ya me girlie me No one ever told me ... I could get lost while standing still ... and sorrow doesnt make a sound ... as it takes away all your will. |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
A toy in tatters on the shelf begriming dust with tears of self… very nearly hugged to death seams asunder, love’s last breath and stuffing of a heart’s sweet dream The spill of love – the rabbit’s scream ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can easily relate to this entire poem, but these lines say so much... *hugs* to you, Deb |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
and hey...thanks much....but Irish.??? YOU MUST READ THE BOOK. Okay? Okay. HUGS TO FORUM ALL ME LOVE AND THANKS. |
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