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Open Poetry #11
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Quiet One
Junior Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 46
Shhhhh

0 posted 2001-01-06 03:58 PM



A Broken Tune
'''''''''''''

Evolved
to hapless creature
twilight
to fading night
Avoiding joyous countenance
no song
feels my delight
Time
hangs limp before me
without a care
I show
Could I despair...
should I despair...
beside the pleasure flow
'''
If sing
I could tomorrow
this prayer I'd sing
today
Get lost in tune
forget a while
my troubles
as I play
'''
All thunder stilled
by morning
new heart-strings strung
by noon
A tear-stain
drying
on a note
might mend
a broken tune
''' ''' '''

© Copyright 2001 Quiet One - All Rights Reserved
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
1 posted 2001-01-06 04:01 PM


In these situations we find ourselves looking for that first day when once again we can actually see and feel the warmth of the sun instead of the bitter cold of heart-ache.  Wonderfully written.
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
2 posted 2001-01-06 04:25 PM


Quiet One,

This was sad, yet beautiful in its own way.  I can see it happening and know that there is much pain in these words.  But we must be careful to learn the lessons at hand so that we may move on.  Nice writing.

Welcome to Passions.  

Lone Wolf


Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2001-01-06 04:29 PM


QuietOne~
I enjoyed the musical theme to this haunting piece.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Quiet One
Junior Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 46
Shhhhh
4 posted 2001-01-07 12:28 PM


Thankyou Mark and Lone Wolf
I like to think I have moved on. I wrote this from memory. On a still night, memories creep up sometimes.
''''''''
Marg
Thankyou it does sing a bit doesn't it

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
5 posted 2001-01-07 02:06 AM


Quiet one,
this sings more than a bit, it rides on angels wings and soars with the choir.
write on
Kethry


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793
on the roof again
6 posted 2001-01-07 02:10 AM


you know, marge said it already, but your pieces read like songs. very rufus.

i like the optimism at the end. i dig it.

"...a gross, physical salute to the fantastic possiblilties of life...-but only for those with true grit.
We're chock full of that."

*snoogins*

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2001-01-07 02:11 AM


Get lost in tune
forget a while
my troubles
as I play

me too...would love to get lost in a tune..and somedays I let the music do my thinking for me

~Soft smiles
~Wynter


"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II



Quiet One
Junior Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 46
Shhhhh
8 posted 2001-01-07 10:37 AM


Kethry LOL thankyou
I think I'd aim more toward the kneelers
as I hum a few bars

'''''''''
Thankyou Ethan
you and Marge have an 'ear'
I do try and write with a little music in mind
'''''''''
Wynter
Then we most certainly have a common ground
thankyou

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
9 posted 2001-01-09 10:05 PM


Well done ... It does read like a song

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