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Change (A challenge by Prometheus)
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Change (A challenge by Prometheus) |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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Change How does one change a desire which aches the pit of a stomach? a nagging ache that settles glued within a mind, it is not by choice nor consequence it is neither right nor wrong how do you change the sway of trees when caressed by vigorous fingers of wind? have you seen the way he rustles his leaves to her touch? how does one change a desire which aches the pit of a trunk? how does one change the static thoughts electrically charged within bodies which lay face down r r r rested? why should one even bother to? we can never change we will never change Angel of Darkness 12/11/2000 "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Hey lovie...I wouldn't call it just change...but...transformations....and you demonstrate that so well with your poetry. And all that you do. A fabulous write, full of wistful yearning, with that spark of aware that is your trademark...Hugs? Yeah. Hugs. Much love. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ok maree, so this poem is "saying" something - apparently (maybe superficially) ingrained "natural" behaviour and emotion cannot be changed - it is neither "right nor wrong", it just is? despite your comment, i think this is a little different to your usual - ok its not following a form, and certainly not written in strict iambs, although interestingly there are sections which are stressed iambically: "a NAG ging ACHE that SET tles GLUED with IN a MIND" the reason it's different for me is that it lacks the forceful and fresh imagery of your "usual" voice and instead seems to rely for its strength more on provoking the reader to contemplation . Not that your other poems don't do that as well, its just that there's been a shift in emphasis. I am unsure of the nature of the challenge laid down by Jamie, but i would imagine that the fact that this poem seems to be about putting a point of view has something to do with that challenge. Interesting personification in the centre of the piece where the characterization become specific. and thought provoking use of the stuttered "r" later on - altogether a piece which it's not easy to put down once you start to delve, and certainly one where a mere "wow" response seems kinda inadequate...lol  one small point that i wondered about; the trees were "caressed" by "vigorous" fingers..... would "vigorous" fingers really just caress? the adjective seems, well....uh....far to vigorous...lol other than that little quibble i enjoyed it; but now you can mail, me please and elucidate. thanks M P |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Serenity, hey Sista how ya doing? Thanks for your lovely reply  and yes I guess we can call them transformations. Thank hon Philip, You know you are so right! I don't know how I didnt pick up on that, vigorously caressing hmmmm I suppose the wind can do that LOL, but yeah I know what you mean a caress is soft, slow, sensual, not vigorous hmmmm ok maree, so this poem is "saying" something - apparently (maybe superficially) ingrained "natural" behaviour and emotion cannot be changed - it is neither "right nor wrong", it just is? Yes Philip, that is absolutely correct, that is what I am saying. I was going to TRY to do this in iamb or in trochee, but my nerves got the better of me LOL, so here it isin my usual style, and yes maybe not using my usual imagery. Well thanks Philip for taking the time and you too Karen I appreciate it so much Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Beautiful! And a bit sad. Change is hard and often necessary - being ABLE to do it is the hard part. |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Maree, You have me thinking on this one. Sometimes I guess you just have to accept what is and stop asking why . . . you'll drive yourself crazy! Nice writing. LW Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
A nicely done poem Maree, however; wasn't it supposed to be Terza Rima or something? Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Don't know about all that other "stuff" that was talked about, but this was lovely, and somewhat sad, but...sadly beautiful. jwesley |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautifully done, as always, Maree! Change,of course, is necessary if we are to grow. It's never easy, that's for sure. I think the biggest obstacle to change is summed up perfectly in your closing lines. Our lives are shaped by our thoughts. We can only do what we believe we can do. This was actually the topic of the sermon in church this morning. I guess we all have our inner struggles and resist what we have become accustomed to. I'm dealing with a few myself at the moment. Well, great writing, again, Maree! It's always a pleasure! Denise |
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