Open Poetry #10 |
Sentry ( return to goose green ) |
OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Sentry ( return to goose green ) We stumbled giddy down the frigid hill, Gagging over drizzled grass and stone, Behind the murderous winter slag of sky, Ahead the ragged barn, A garment for our nudity, We rushed into its tattered folds, In exposures desperation, Threw caution to the sniperous wind. And fear reached down my throat, At what we found within, No fear in him before us, Huddled, weapon ready, Steady gaze at our entrance, Grin of triumph at our stupidity, I fumbled without aim... And fired, Full in his chest the hit, Motionless, without remark, He never blinked an eye, So fear gouged my open mouth, Until the revelation, A frozen mockery of man, Absent without leave from that tired carcass, Beyond bullets or nature now, But duty bound by rigor, So fear released our tears, unashamed, And we blessed our luck, And blessed the weather. Olias |
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© Copyright 2000 Mick Yates - All Rights Reserved | |||
wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
i need to read others replies i know i lie this and the lines i understand i just need help so ill be checkin back in yuh |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Olias..these are powerful images of war and all the things a soldier must accept in this time... all the emotions that come with duty and honor. thought provoking piece of work ... very well written. so nice to see your name back with us. take care poet sir jm |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Through your weave you brought me here...to the pain and the emotion of the moment, all the conflicting feelings and tragedy and honor...Excellent writing!! |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Wayoutwalt Thanks for reading this piece. I'm not really happy with the clarity myself. J.M. Hi there! Thank you for your kind comments, its not easy to do this subject justice and I sometimes wonder if it should be left to people who have been there. Butterflies I'm glad that you got something from this, im quite happy with it, but it needs a few re-writes I think. Thank you. Regards to all Olias |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Olias...I think you depicted the fear and desperation remarkably well...that surprise of unexpected face to face confrontation...the sickness/joy of being the one to survive the encounter...dont doubt the power of your words... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Olias~ Poignant and powerfully emotional write. And it would have to be even more poignant to those who have been there. 'So fear released our tears, unashamed' Tragedies of war that are too often replayed for many years. I think you expressed the feelings well. I'm glad you shared this. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Paula. Thanks for commenting on my poem and what I was trying to convey. Your kind words make me smile. Marge Hi, Its hard to express feelings that I can only imagine, perhaps fiction is possibly the hardest genre to be true to. Thanks for your kind reply. Regards to you both Olias. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Olias, A war I have never seen , an enemy I have never met , and yet your words have me staring him in the face . Frozen , for that instant . A powerful write . Doc |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Wow, great imagery and superb writing. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is indepth, needs to be read more than once, I enjoyed it, made me feel. "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."" Laurie Lee Kathleen |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Your lines are sharp and strongly felt. Nicely written. take care -Poeminister "...no single sound too rude Upon thy slumber shall intrude, Our thoughts, our souls- O God above! In every deed shall mingle, love." --Ed |
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