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Open Poetry #10
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Who We Were, in Color
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Who We Were, in Color |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Who We Were, in Color (a redo of an oldy ) The black and white past creeps in and it is creased and a corner turned up and in this time warp I am a pale questioning four year old slightly lost in a drenched and baggy swimsuit gazing across a long expanse of beach. Next to me my blond brother, tall and sturdy with curiosity looks down with reverence into the face of a clock, his fingers already itching to undo each tiny screw and move each part. I still tramp across the sand in wonder of life that overwhelms me into making words to try to explain or somehow capture some splashed thought, and he is a physician in white coat and stethoscope adornment looking into slowly ticking life with amazed motherboard fascination. I see in this simple childhood photo, the beginning of what I still am and will be caught and forever obvious, though life has clicked in changing backdrops coloring eyes to green and skin from pale to rosy and he is somewhat withered from his valiant hold on curiosity, who we are is just who we were, in color. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I see in this simple childhood photo, the beginning of what I still am and will be caught and forever obvious, though life has clicked in changing backdrops coloring eyes to green and skin from pale to rosy and he is somewhat withered from his valiant hold on curiosity, who we are is just who we were, in color. ================ I remember this very cool poem ... and how much I enjoy the comparisons and metaphors of the old black and white photos frozen in time the last lines impact is PERFECT poetry love ya sweets me |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ I love this beautiful piece. Sets the memories to flight and makes me want to dig into the cedar chest ... Okay, green eyes ... I'll take two prints of each ! Love you and your vivid poetry. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Martie, I am so glad you reposted this wonderful poem, I missed it the first time, so Thank you as always I loved it  "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Martie- i love this so much. makes me want to pull out the old photo albums. thanks for the memories. hugs, -vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truely met the poet." -vlraynes |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh Martie ... I just loved this. I could picture these images so perfectly ... you have such a wonderful way of painting the most vivid pictures, allowing me to walk right into your thoughts. This was just lovely! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You "redo" and "touch up" well, my friend... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, then speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Gee Martie, as always, thought this was really G R E A T! Lovely my friend. jwesley |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
i love looking at childhood photos with my brothers and sisters..nicely done Martie..enjoyed.. ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
"in wonder of life that overwhelms me into making words to try to explain or somehow capture some splashed thought," and "who we are is just who we were, in color." Phrases like these are what makes you a true poet - Show them to someone should they ever ask you why you write. This is lovely - I love what you write ~S~ |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
You could write it gooood even if it was just black and white. Nice work Sis. love ya, dale |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Martie great job! I didn't see the first version, but you've taken a standard poetry workshop exercise (poem about looking back at old photographs) and done a really interesting interpretation. I can't help but love poems like this where the more you read the clearer the parallels and contrasts and interwoven allusions become, and if the poet is clever, as you are, you see new things even after many readings. This is one of those pieces which warrants a page of critique....lol...but ..never fear ... I shall be strong and resist.... just to say: I loved the neat circle formed by the linked opening and closure - somehow it sits so well with the theme about life. Not only does the shift from black and white to colour suggest a moving on - a progression - a modernisation, but more important is the suggestion of a filling in of detail a clarification and a blooming of early promise, yet with the hint and skeleton of that promise there in the first place. And there is still more ... digging deeper - there also a tiny hint of complexity (not sinister necessarily but nonetheless of questionable desirability) - "black and white" carries with it the allusion of innocent simplicity of clear moral stances of easy choices - whereas the shades and screens of colour carry with them the difficult nuances and the responsibility of experience and worldly wisdom. the clear and delightful parallels in the remainder of the piece between the young speaker and her brother and the more mature people they become are beautifully and cleverly done, and the lines: "and he is somewhat withered from his valiant hold on curiosity," were totally excellent! thanks for this martie Philip |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thanks Janet for reading it again...love ya, sweets! Marge--I could send you the black and white, but the other is in my mind...thanks. Maree--hi...I'm glad you liked this...thanks for letting me know. Vicky--I guess you can tell I love looking at old photos...you should. Kit...I'm glad...welcome to my thoughts. Karelia-- James--thanks for the G R E A T! Victoria--Then you know that brothers can be a pain, but there also special...right? Bill--that's a good idea...when someone asks me I just might say that...thanks for being so supportive! Hi Dale--so glad you stopped by with a little love. Philip, Philip, Philip....thank you so much for all that you are and say....I love it! |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Martie, you continue to amaze me. Everything you write is so vivid and so insightful ... this was such a pleasure to read. Thank you for brightening my morning with this thought-provoking, self-illuminating piece! ~ Beth |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
My sweet friend....you add color to all you touch and each one is brighter than the last. This redo is no exception as your pallet paints the perfect visions always. You are truely a master my dear. Hugs and love to ya. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Beth--I so enjoyed your reply...thank you fair poet for such kind words. Mark--You have added a little color yourself, sweet cowboy...gotta love ya! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is fabulous, Martie! Great writing! Denise |
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