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Open Poetry #10
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Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

0 posted 2000-11-05 11:42 AM


Thunderstorm

Thundering, crackling flashing in the silent night
Your presence I felt, heard, sought, wanted to be
You visited, my senses you held on real tight

Your teasing eyes, your lilting laugh delightful in my sight
Bringing back sweet memories of days I used to see
Thundering, crackling flashing in the silent night

I looked for you, elusive you as you hid from the light
You knew my thoughts, slipped my grasp you see
You visited, my senses you held on real tight

Floating on the air was, like lightning in the night
As single entities we've blended poetry so free
Thundering, crackling flashing in the silent night

Weary though you may be at times you are a sight
A pleasure you remain to me, you’re all you needs to be
You visited, my senses you held on real tight

So far the distance is between us, yet you’re within my sight
To never to have known you, ‘twould be sad mystery
Thundering, crackling flashing in the silent night

You have your wings you’re free to fly, onward through the night
But You seek shelter too, a haven from the sea
You visited, my senses you held on real tight

I'd bend my every effort; I'd fight the final fight
To aid you in your distress if you made a call to me
You visited, my senses you held on real tight
Thundering, crackling flashing in the silent night



Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things
which matter least.

~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ~

© Copyright 2000 Wilfred Yeats - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth
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since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
1 posted 2000-11-05 11:52 AM


A picturesque villanelle, Wilfred. Well done.

Elizabeth


You cling to your ways and leave mine to me.
Suum cuique.
~Elizabeth



SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

2 posted 2000-11-05 01:39 PM


~Oh WoW,...this poem has such energy. Incredibly written,...'You knew my thoughts, slipped my grasp you see',....soOo many outstanding lines. Enjoyed! *Peace.

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
3 posted 2000-11-05 02:46 PM


Elizabeth-
Thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed - as I certainly enjoy reading you

Spitfire-
I guess the repetition and the feel of a Thunderstorm - help convey energy - - It was a fun write ~S~ Thank you

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
4 posted 2000-11-05 02:48 PM


Much applause, my friend!!

jwesley

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 2000-11-05 02:50 PM


Wilfred,

You have captured the storm beautifully my friend.  It is a lovely sight indeed.  

LW


Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2000-11-05 03:14 PM


Bill--I really like this form and subject matter..well done!
Rainydays
Member
since 2000-10-21
Posts 324

7 posted 2000-11-05 03:30 PM


Wilfred, writing in true poetic form takes steady discipline. (or so I hear, lol)  
"Thundering, crackling flashing in the silent night"  What a way to share the drama of a thunderstorm and a romance. I really enjoyed this.

Rainydays

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
8 posted 2000-11-05 06:19 PM


My apologies - to you all - and my thanks - I mistakenly created this with 2 too many verses - Mea culpa mea culpa mea maxima culpa
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
9 posted 2000-11-05 06:27 PM


"So far the distance is between us, yet you’re within my sight"

What a wonderfully descriptive piece Wilfred. Beautifully written with such tender thoughts ... just lovely!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Ron K. Fox
Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925

10 posted 2000-11-05 06:36 PM


the electricity, the raw power is expressed in this thundering love poem. No storm of the heart will pass unnoticed. Nicely done again Wilfred. Ron

Tossing words like wishful coins into the deep well of an open heart. R. fox


Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
11 posted 2000-11-05 07:06 PM


'Tis a wonderfully crafted "expanded" villanelle..
Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
12 posted 2000-11-06 02:17 AM


You write with such incredible energy and power...I can feel the thunder...taste the rain on my lips...wonderful
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
13 posted 2000-11-06 05:05 AM


As far as I'm concerned you could never write too many verses. I loved every one of them
Very thunderous emotions in your work
Superb, just as it is
Liz

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
14 posted 2000-11-06 09:48 AM


Paula - Kit - Liz - all of you -
Thank you all for your apprecition - I guess i'm my own worst critic - I'll see if I cant write another and do it right
Thanks again

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
15 posted 2000-11-06 09:51 AM


looking for the skies to rain, and rumble with thunder.....love this Bill.....*S*


Greeneyes

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