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| Open Poetry #10 |
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When |
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eyesplus2 Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 163australia |
When does a dream become real.......... When does a wish come true........... When does a shooting star get caught.......... When does a heartbeat make time stop.......... When does a smile make you soar like an Eagle....... When does a touch caress your soul........ When I say I love you......... |
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| © Copyright 2000 eyesplus2 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
hmmm I don't know whether this is just the mood I'm in or not but I really didn't feel anything in this piece. it was nice, it was cute, but it made no spark of interest in me. I feel like I just read my neice's attempt at writing a story for english. perhaps if you came at this from a different angle. the way you wrote this the reader knows just about what you are going to say before you do it. it takes all the excitement out of this piece and leaves it flatter than a pancake. once again, just try to do something unique. try to be you and write what you truely feel. in the end you will be respected, no matter how good you really are. |
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eyesplus2 Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 163australia |
Thankyou Desparado.... For taking the time to comment....... It always helps to hear all comments..... For it helps me to write better...... |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
Sometimes it just takes simple words to reach the other person. You did well. Every step is a mile gained in the long run. keep it up. Ron |
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