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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #10 |
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Vision In The Mist |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
 I see her in the distance Drifting `cross a meadow green Mist her partner in this dance This vision so mystically serene Her gown a gossamer glow Ringlets a golden cascade Her features delicately flow As she wanders in the glade Another form comes into view Joining this vision in the mist Beckoning like a dream come true Gently he takes hold of her wrist Their forms soon become one As they hold each other tight I watch as their love song has begun Consumed with this tender sight A tear rolls down her face As she pulls herself from his hold Sorrowful lines of regret replace I knew not the story that they told She turned from him to walk away Silently he reached once more His eyes pleading for her to stay At his heart her good-byes tore Her soft steps turned fast and strong She turned not once to look The sound of her sobs the only song From his body his soul she took His cries followed her every turn A darkened path opened to her Why did she run...I struggled to learn As creatures of the night began to stir Thorny growth clawed at her gown Sharpened limps raked her face But none of this slowed her down She ran on at this frenzied pace Then it came from no where Hands snatching her from the path Eyes wide in a frightened stare She began to feel his mortal wrath My ears fill with her panicked cries He griped her neck with all his might In my throat I felt my screams rise With a jolt....I awaken alone in the night |
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| © Copyright 2000 Butterflies_dont_cry - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
This ones runs both hot and cold... you fooled me completely with the ending! Very well done BDC. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
My nightmares always start out beautiful too...for awhile any dream at all would wake me...you touched me with this, as I could relate quite well...hope you got some sleep...hugs to you. will e ya later. |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
WOW !!!!!!!! You had me there. I really enjoyed this poem. |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
The title is perfect Butterfly. I like the way it flows, and then that ending!  "The heart and soul have no illusion of boundries when friendship is the quest" ~ My Angel. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
My dear sweet friend. This dream of yours sets many things to record and I see "EVERYTHING" in it that is there and you must know that there will always be the tender arms of love holding you so when you awake my friend, you are NOT alone. Not now , not ever. Take care of you my friend and quit drinking so much of JM's tea will ya? |
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Passions Voice Member
since 2000-10-23
Posts 291Michigan |
It's really sad when what we think are dreams turn into nightmares. If only we'd know beforehand. This was a great poem. passion is life. . . |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
loved it Bdc..nicely written indeed.. ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Butterfly, Interesting read, enjoyed |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hi, very dramatic ending. Wow. I liked this a lot. Take care. Sandra |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
I want to thank you all for your comments, this was something new for me and was brought on by the detail of last nights nightmare fest at least a poem came out of it this time! Thank you so much for reading~ |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Dear Butterfly, a truely magnificent write you have shared and this tale is such a captivating read. Need I say, I really like this one!!! Coco |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Everything about this is enchanting! "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."" Laurie Lee Kathleen |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
BDC~ WOW!! EXCELLENT!! What a fantastic poem. -SEA |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Butterflies, This is an excellent poem. It reminded me of a story my gran used to tell us, mighty close to the real story you were. Beautifully written "She turned from him to walk away Silently he reached once more His eyes pleading for her to stay At his heart her good-byes tore" Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Coco, Sea, Kathleen and Daniel* Thank you so much for your kind comments and for reading my work...I appreciate it so very much~ Daniel* Sounds like your gran had some pretty cool stories to tell thank you for sharing that thought~ |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
BDC, This was fantastic my friend!!! Wonderful imagery . . . scary in a way . . . so much power. You had me totally fooled at the ending. Wow is all I can say. You are growing daily . . . I can see it. LW Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
Very cool ending. Makes ya think. X-cellent. Ron |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
LW* thank you my friend...had me fooled to...I was lulled into a false safety when the dream began...but I should have known better Ron* Welcome to Passions, thank you for reading! |
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StarGlow Junior Member
since 2000-10-23
Posts 40 |
Beautiful write. You gave a great visual. Star |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
Wow. Got me with the ending, too! You pulled me in from the beginning right to the end! Great poem! sp Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'it might have been.' -John Greenleaf Whittier |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
StarGlow* Thank you so much and Welcome to Passions! SP* Your comments are always appreciated...thank you so much~ |
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peppermint35 Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106Texas, USA |
Amazing!!! Absolutely kept me reading to the end; which was a surprise twist; just like dreams sometimes.... Now this is what I hope to be able to do someday....express myself just this well Peppermint Life is a Wheel |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
oh my......a nightmare.... wasn't prepare on that..... yeah only a nightmare could end this way. I really enjoyed it....excellent penned. Charisma |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Holly-- WOW! This is the coolest poem girl! I loved the flow of it, and the changing of emotions. You got me at the end, was not expecting that. And of course your rhythm and rhyme was right on the mark as always. wonderful poem. take care. ~amy~  ) |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Holly.....oooohhhh girl now I have chills...what a terrifying write |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Peppermint* Thank you so very much...what a compliment, it's an honor that you think so~ Charisma* Thank you so much for reading~ Amy* You are always so very kind...thank-you from the bottom of my heart Paula* Sorry about that gave me the chills too though...thank you for reading~ |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Butterflies-Good to know you awoke when you did, otherwise you may have sank into a deeper hold and would not have come out with such an excellent write. Hope better dreams await you. |
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