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Open Poetry #10
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divider of love and envy
| Open Poetry #10 |
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divider of love and envy |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods 
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Divider of the enchanted forest, wakes the lilies to brilliance with these same hands: stubby, spoiled, toilet grime around the nails, scar from a wart frozen off. I kneaded love into your back when we were still drinking sweetness off each other Angry, and stuffed with young excuses I drove out your possibility And I am frightened of the great disease: that you know symptom and cure If I could hush the dragons in my head, I would And I might cheat my fear and demand you back, if I could But maybe my madness has finally exhausted you to the core And there were promises that I ravaged, And there is grief I can’t outgrow And I’m sorry that I broke your ideals instead of your heart So I loved you for your brilliance, your charm, the cryptic temper you insisted upon (and swore that only I could crawl beneath) And now, for those same reasons, I am taken with envy full to the point of hate My dreams remember your voice... damn blatant perfection. I drop one eye open to diamonds: tears stunted on my eyelashes with the snap of wake-fall. I flex legs against the sweat in my sheets nonnoticing swirls in my ears of the push pull of my lungs and the empty shout of dust slanted over the sunlight. I am the living contradiction, the idiot concave. Oh, god, Pete. Sharp recall and the dull, hard punches at my chest. I have tried to accept, perhaps, your disassociation of me. Hating that I am not the victim but the nonwant. I have hated dreams where I am sheltered in the bliss of your conversation, snapping forward in the wake-fall to find my fist on the ghost of your hand. I have found, we are, you are, the effigy of indescription. You are not the push and pull of my lungs but the silence between breath, and I love you outside of words in my language (besides softness in the black endless of my pupils, the tremor I cannot stop for hours when you pass between rooms and I glimpse your shoe, this sick shrill clamp on my body when I let myself think, ohsobriefly, that I am truly without you) I am jealous and crazy. I am pathetic and dangerous. (and I thought: we only expose what we desire to those that we love) But my hair was never made of gold and you’ll say that doesn’t matter no small shallow trifling matter but I’d cut my heart out for you I’ve already begged at you for four years And that won’t impress you So what my dear, what am I to do? I confess... I was wearing a Freudian slip under my dress So, if I wrote this letter would bitterness stain and confine it? the strength, the etiquette I have refined you'll never know now, you'll never know I search for the lovers the believers bid my time to living But maybe we can share our wisdom later when the understanding collects with years over Me the contradiction You the cryptic Us the war [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 10-14-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Hmmm... maybe this was a bit too long. Should I try and keep my posts short and sweet  ?~ Beth |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Elizabeth, this is astounding, such pain and hurt you've expressed, and done it so well. Passions is a land where poets come to heal their souls, and I think your soul needs a touch of magic. Take care Marsha  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Nope, short and sweet is not necessary. Poetry comes in all shapes and sizes. You are a very talented writer. Welcome to Passions! This is the first I have seen of your writing. I look forward to reading more from you! Denise |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
YES!This is one of the finest pieces of poetry I have read on these forums. If I wanted to quote best lines, I'd have to quote the whole thing. These particularly stood out for me. quote: You are a very fine writer and I will search for more of your work. This is a dymanic, painful, emotionally charged piece with excellent verbiage and imagery. You have a command of the language which is awesome and I am VERY glad i have discovered your work here. Thank you. ~ all you can really ever expect out of life is a sincere apology and some decent poetry ~ |
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Robert Joseph Member
since 2000-10-07
Posts 491South Carolina |
Elizabeth, I'm taken by your words, my own heart swelled in the wake of similarity...outstanding work. Robert Joseph [This message has been edited by Robert Joseph (edited 10-14-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Elizabeth, You are an extrmely talented writer. It is a pleasure reading your work. Length is not the object, for this piece is quality from beginning to end. You have a great passion for writing Superb! Liz |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ElizabethCor~ 'I confess... I was wearing a Freudian slip under my dress' Though I enjoyed it all - this line stuck out in my mind. Great thought !  ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
You are not the push and pull of my lungs but the silence between breath, and I love you outside of words in my language (besides softness in the black endless of my pupils, the tremor I cannot stop for hours when you pass between rooms and I glimpse your shoe, this sick shrill clamp on my body when I let myself think, ohsobriefly, that I am truly without you) I am jealous and crazy. I am pathetic and dangerous. (and I thought: we only expose what we desire to those that we love) But my hair was never made of gold and you’ll say that doesn’t matter no small shallow trifling matter but I’d cut my heart out for you I’ve already begged at you for four years And that won’t impress you So what my dear, what am I to do? I confess... I was wearing a Freudian slip under my dress So, if I wrote this letter would bitterness stain and confine it? the strength, the etiquette I have refined you'll never know now, you'll never know I search for the lovers the believers bid my time to living But maybe we can share our wisdom later when the understanding collects with years over Me the contradiction You the cryptic Us the war ================== damn....this is awesome, amazing ... DEEP DEEP DEEP ... i will be putting this impressive piece of work in my library for many future reads ... there is much to be discovered in this .. one or two reads would not do it justice ... >>"You are not the push and pull of my lungs but the silence between breath, and I love you<<" what an amazing line ..."the silence between breath" man.. i wish i had wrote that one... major poet envy here and hey Dor... While i was reading this... I was thinking to myself.. she alot writes like you and also how much you'd like this... then I saw your reply LOL... Beth.. you have eloquently written what I feel many times... please dont keep them "short and sweet" give us time... the forums are slower on the weekends and late nights and it aslo takes a while for new names to get read ... but your doing it right replying as well superb write ...keep em coming take care jm |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is just superb writing. Sorry it took so long to find you! (thank you, doreen, for pointing this one out to me) A stunning flow of words, and so rich...words fail me. Write On, Lady. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
OK Just picking my jaw up off the ground... an amazing poem, wonderful metaphors, powerful writing. WOW filing this one in my library for further reads. excellent poem, and belated welcome to Passions. "an afixiation a fix on anything the line of life the limb of a tree the hands of he and the promise that s/he is blessed among women". Patti Smith |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Your writing is quite breathtaking, Beth - (and I'm glad you're Beth, as we've a plethora of Elizabeth's)... Do continue posting more of your wondrous works - Passions is a great place for you to share your talent... So glad you're here..  |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is an astounding journey into passion, anger, venting, even release. It left me breathless. As far as length goes? Write until your heart runs out of ink!< !signature--> Kathleen [This message has been edited by Irish Rose (edited 10-16-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Again, I am in awe with this reception... and I would like to reply to each response personally: Marsha, If this is a place of healing, then my stay will not be short . This was written during a terrible break of choas that I am still mending from. Thank you for your encouragment and attention.Denise, Whew! That's a bit of direction I don't mind hearing (I am so long-winded) . Thank you for the welcome and your kind words.Doreen, WOW!And I am VERY glad to have caught your attention. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to know that such an exceptional writer, such as yourself, has taken such a liking to this piece. I wish I could convey my graitude in more filling words. THANK you.Robert Joseph, "my own heart swelled in the wake of similarity" can I steal this??? What a beautiful, tender reply. To touch someone else with recognition... I couldn't ask for more than that.Liz, First of all, I insist you call me Beth . Secondly, it is a pleasure to recieve such a generous reply. Thank you so much! Marge, You devil, how did you know! I wrote that line randomly some time ago waiting for the perfect place in which to fit it... and here it is, snug in this poem and you fished it out. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I love your gorgeous ocular verses!Janet, Thank you for the adivce! I certainly found this to be true after a long weekend. And I am picking up many lines here where I think " Darn it! I almost HAD that one!" Looking around, I've been beaten to lines, stanzas, and subjects(ooo that's a killer). So the feeling is more than mutual . Keep em coming? No problem! Serenity, It's okay! It's only my second post . And I don't know how I could not be speechless myself with such a sweet reply. Thank you, Serenity.Brian, ~helps you puch your jaw back into it's former position~ We get a personal library? Can this place get any more fabulous??? I'm instantly running off to find out how to access mine... well, at least as soon as I've finished with my replications. Thank you so very, very much for reading, I'm so happy you enjoyed it. Nan, I'm glad I'm a Beth too! Once again, I must thank you for your tremendous welcome; the extra time and care meant worlds to me. And I will most definitely keep posting... and reading. ~~~~ Thank you all, once again, for your amazing appreciation. ~ Beth Irish Rose, You wrote in during the time I was writing these replies, so I'm sorry I must put this in as an afternote. My gratitude for your gracious detailed reply. And I doubt that I will ever run out of that particular ink... especially, I believe, if I spend more time in this forum. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 10-16-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
heh heh ..i'm following doreen around and agreeing with her. this is seriously interesting stuff Beth ...PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE consider CA .... just one lil poem maybe?? very good writing thanks philip |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
great - now Philip's begging... Beth - another - I think you've gained another fan here - I really love the profound style of your words as well as teh vocabulary used to emit them. I checked out your website - and yeah... impressed muchly so I am.  If I could hush the dragons in my head, I would And I might cheat my fear and demand you back, if I could But maybe my madness has finally exhausted you to the core And there were promises that I ravaged, And there is grief I can’t outgrow And I’m sorry that I broke your ideals instead of your heart Becuase, yeah - I've been you and she was he - and I lived this life of pain. Peace Chris Read my Words. Read my Face. Don't just look at either. -C |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Beautiful writing Elizabeth....ignore Philip, he is probably just having withdrawals-- I have not provided him any fodder of late Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
beth- take 'irish rose, and doreen and Janet marie's replies and consider them echoed 0 in spades! totally awesome! |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Philip, You've certainly choosen a brilliant person to follow... although I'm not so sure doreen even agrees with herself all of the time . And I submitted this piece to CA.Chris, so you've been to my personal well of selfish gratification... I don't know that there is much on it to be impressed with but thank you! I think a large number of us has been where I have been (where I still am 40% of the time...) Thank you for your compliments, and peace to you, my friend .Jamie, hee hee Philip doens't seem dangerous as of yet, so I think I can humor him for the time being I truly appreciate your time and sweet reply (and word of caution heh heh).Wilfred, Well, thank you, kind sir! I've so enjoyed your mastery of love intwined words.... oh but if I were a single lass and just a smidgen older . Thank you all, again, so very very much. ~ Beth [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 10-21-2000).] |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
excellent Beth. . . I could say more. . . but I'd just be repeating everyone else. . . and don't worry about the length. . . just keep writing!! ------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WOW!!! You just totally redefined the meaning of "Passions in Poetry". This might not be the sweetest poem I've read in passions, but it's the most powerfull. Where do you get these ideas? I think everyone needs to kneel infront of you and bow there heads with respect. You deserve a standing ovation. I guess everyone's imperfections is what drives us to write with such emotion. As I've written for someone before, "Thou mask thy self in furtive lies, and that of heart's pretend...Yet foolish pride and blinded eyes awaits for love to mend" We know...but we still keep trying. BRAVO!!! I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Sven, I run into that trouble so much myself . Thank you for gracious, pleasant voice and gentle support. Acire, WOW, yourself! How am I ever to reply to a statement like that?? And how can I show my appreciation for such eager, generous words? I don’t think I deserve half of what you’ve accredited me with… “I guess everyone's imperfections is what drives us to write with such emotion” undoubtedly! “We know...but we still keep trying” Will we ever, ever learn? (I think everyone has been here)~ Beth (and no kneeling, PLEASE! )I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. |
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