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Open Poetry #10
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Alan
Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499
right next door

0 posted 2000-10-10 11:45 PM


You came into my world
Like a nocturnal dream
Willing to be my pawn
With the innocence of a young fawn
Stealthily, right from the start
I soothed your broken heart
With words as sweet sounding
As the wind going through a set of chimes
I made you mine
After I got you to do my bidding
I stripped you of your courage and dignity
I worked your body and your mind
Like a clock works a pendulum
I told you could have your freedom
You looked at me through tear filled eyes
And asked why?
Here is my epitaph
May it forever stay on your mind
I am the guy your mother warned you about



© Copyright 2000 Alan - All Rights Reserved
just_another_fe
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483
MICHIGAN
1 posted 2000-10-11 12:57 PM


das not good. i mean its a great poem jus not bout sumthin good. you know what i mean right? i hope so.
Daniel J D
Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471
Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia
2 posted 2000-10-11 01:55 AM


I think you are off the track. Good words, wrong intentions


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2000-10-11 07:42 AM


Allan~
Hmmmmmm !

'I soothed your broken heart
With words as sweet sounding
As the wind going through a set of chimes'


^That's pretty.

'After I got you to do my bidding
I stripped you of your courage and dignity'


^That's not so nice ... but sometimes true.

'Here is my epitaph
May it forever stay on your mind
I am the guy your mother warned you about'


^Sounds like someone's gonna be pushing-up-daisies
for a long time.

Interesting layer of phrases.
~*Marge*~





~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Alan
Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499
right next door
4 posted 2000-10-11 09:14 AM


Just_another_fe..thank you ..yes I do understand what you are saying

Daniel.. I am on track with what I wanted to say. It is easy for someone to play with anothers heart and then just leave.

Marge...thank you for your kind words..I tried to go in different directions with this. Just to make you wonder

MMoonchild
Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715
PA
5 posted 2000-10-11 10:01 AM


I have seen this...known this...and you described it perfectly...I almost want to post it somewhere anonymously but that wouldn't be right..I know it would get a lot of people wondering...
Maureen
* I was in the perfect mood to read this today...   which means not

[This message has been edited by MMoonchild (edited 10-11-2000).]

Alan
Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499
right next door
6 posted 2000-10-11 10:21 AM


Moonchild....I am sorry if I pulled the wrong strings. I was in a dark mood last night when I wrote this. Kind of turned how I was feeling around. I have had a lot of different responses from it.
Thank you for reading it and replying

Rosebud1229
Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813
North Carolina
7 posted 2000-10-11 01:45 PM


sounds like you struck a few cords here, but me i'm keeping on with smooth sailing on the good ship lolly pop lol. But thanks for your boldness here, hehe
Alan
Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499
right next door
8 posted 2000-10-11 02:09 PM


Rosebud....everyone get bold once in awhile.
I wrote it from pure fiction.
Thank you for your comments

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
9 posted 2000-11-10 01:11 PM


Found this found it fit perfectly so I had to respond...unfortunately he guy my momma warned me about is always the one I seemed to find...LOL...dont care what anyone else says I like this...its real and it needs to be said
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

10 posted 2000-11-10 01:23 PM


An honest and moving piece.  No woman really listens to her mother, unfortunately!

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses
over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey.""
Laurie Lee

Kathleen



SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
11 posted 2000-11-10 01:41 PM


Alan~ this reminds me of my ex-husband....my parents tried to warn me, but at 20, I knew everything, of course.......this is very real, no one should be upset by it, and I doubt it's a personal reflection. Great writing!   -SEA
CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

12 posted 2000-11-10 01:48 PM


Alan, you penned it well PoetFriend...

Coco



Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
13 posted 2000-11-10 04:46 PM


I think we've all met this person at one
time or another...and perhaps even been this
person at one time or another..great
thoughts and expression in this Alan~

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