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Open Poetry #7
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Steel World
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Steel World |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN 
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Steel world Unfeeling machine Grinding gears Metallic fiend Hate scream Annihilate weak Poisoned mind Demonic peak No soul Spirit massacre Weeping wreck Ravaged slayer Pain wail Destroyed Destroyer Human heart Hollow valor One tear Conceal agony Unknown hurt Steel society < !signature--> Abrahm Simons "...Watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose" - Trent Reznor, "We're in this Together" [This message has been edited by Dusk Treader (edited 04-25-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Abrahm Simons - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
This is the first I have read from you hope to see more. Great writing. All my love, Jeffrey |
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Daysleeper Member
since 2000-04-23
Posts 119 |
Dusk Treader- I like this. It's harsh, but it's got a pounding beat throughout it, that gives it the feel of exactly what you're talking about. ...Daysleeper... "Presently I've had enough of all your sanity." -James Kavanaugh |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very good, Abrahm. I can 'feel' these words. Denise |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Awesome abe! And you said you couldn't write poetry...*hrmph* Extremely intense, cutting emotions here. I do indeed hope you feel better now then when you wrote this. Poetry tends to bleed the emotion out of you, however (or thats what happens with me). Exellent work my friend, keep it up!  *Krista Knutson* As soon as man does not take his existence for granted, but beholds it as something unfathomably mysterious, thought begins. ~*Albert Schweitzer*~ |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
Most awesome! Mwa hahaha... very good! Loved the form as well. You should post poetry more often! "It is in our aloneness that we recognize our oneness, even as the single droplet of water knows also that it is the sea."Daniel *Cassie Roseen* |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
HEY! What a way to make a poetic entrance my friend! Oh yes, loved the "steel society!" A LOT!!! |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Thank you all for commenting!  Denise, Jeffrey, Daysleeper, Cassie - many thanks for your comments Krista - I felt much better after writing this... much more purging than a story. Chris - Thanks Chris! This wasn't exactly my 'poetic entrance,' but let's just forget about my other attempts...  Abrahm Simons "...Watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose" - Trent Reznor, "We're in this Together" |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I have to agree with all the above Abe. When you put your pen to poetry you have an amazing final product. Never feel you don't have the talent for poetry because you do my friend. Aching, dark thoughts come through well on this piece. |
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Silkdragon Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 65 |
GOOOOD!!!! I hate you Abrahm! If I ever hear you say that you're no good at poetry again, I swear I'm going to beat some sense into you. This was excellent, you're mentality strikes me as being very similar to mine. I like the harshness. Very nice! Erin |
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