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Open Poetry #7
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In response to Sven's Poetic Joust Challenge (Love Someone)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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In response to Sven's Poetic Joust Challenge (Love Someone) |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada 
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She dressed straight up and elite but she masked a hidden grief. She was moving fast forcing her laugh too much smoke with her heat. Like desire that's gone mad her soul was never still but my dry eyes she unclad and kept my bent heart thrilled. I knew she owed her life's cares to a man that was married but he kept her dreams so impaired she'd smile a smile so weary and she longed to speak with a voice where she could show off her respect but she never got to make the choice and she suffered from neglect. One night on my old house boat she said; I just want to love someone I've got to change my scene. I just want to love someone who'll give their heart to me. I just want to love someone I want to love them day and night. I just want to love someone cause my heart's not working right. So I'd try to stroke her sore heart chords and ease the pain she'd reaped. but she'd turn off as I was getting close and stare away from me. I could hear her heart when we'd begin my slow hands would shake her voice and I'd speak soft cares to give her room but distance was her choice. Then we met one night on the old house boat her face was blank unsure. so we sat on the deck and she let it out like rain her heart thoughts poured and the mind she spilled gave me a chill and I could feel her childlike hopes, She said she had a new dream to fill but she looked so down and out. So I asked how her dream would happen because I knew she'd come so clean. And she said she'd left the empty mess to take a chance on me. She said she was tired and lonely and that she'd give her heart to me and if we became like one and only she'd bring new life to me. Well, she looked so pure and simple that I took her in my arms and in my ear she whispered gentle with a voice so damned disarmed. I just want to love someone I had to change my scene. I just want to love someone who'll give their heart to me. I just want to love someone I want to love them day and night I just want to love someone cause my heart's not working right. That was the day she came to stay! Celtrue2000@E3B1G9 |
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| © Copyright 2000 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
OH MAN!! This poem IS AWESOME... I adore this poem!! ----------- too much smoke with her heat. Like desire that's gone mad her soul was never still but my dry eyes she unclad and kept my bent heart thrilled. ----------- and she longed to speak with a voice where she could show off her respect but she never got to make the choice and she suffered from neglect. ----------- my slow hands would shake her voice and I'd speak soft cares to give her room but distance was her choice. ------------ And she said she'd left the empty mess to take a chance on me. She said she was tired and lonely and that she'd give her heart to me and if we became like one and only she'd bring new life to me. Well, she looked so pure and simple that I took her in my arms and in my ear she whispered gentle with a voice so damned disarmed. ------------- this is EXCELLENT written from the deepest part of a heart... very very well written and expressed emotions you have written my heart and me in parts of this perfect poem... thank you for the things it made me feel when I read it. take care, jm I think I could need - this in my life I think I'm just scared - that I know too much I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling ... If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home There's an awful lot of breathing room But I can hardly move If you're gone - baby you need to come home cuz there's a little bit of something me... In everything in you. ~MB20~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Great Work, ethome, you deserve a full round of applause for this one!!! Challenge well, met... Is sven watching?? Regards, sudhir Hey you, out there in the cold, Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisle, With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me? Hey you, don't help them to bury the light. Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own, Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me? Hey you, with your ear against the wall, Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home.... by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
wow! i read this ten minutes ago and my head is still spinning from it. now if this isn't romantic poetry... than i don't know what is. in my book challenge more than met. EXCELLENT! amy  "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
*Sven tips his lance to etpoet* This is excellent my friend. You have really captured a moment here. . . one that I feel plays in your mind day after day. . . Excellent!!! Superb!!! Gentlemen, etpoet has penned a heartfelt and touching poem here. . .do you have what it takes to match it?? We await your replies!!! ------------------------------------------------------------ That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
ethome, what's not to love I loved every single line. Especially when you said. He strokes her heart chords how absolutely beautiful. The strings of love. |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
This fair maiden is awaiting for part two..to see what you will do, To write a poem from loving her, From your point of view, Written from the heart, always makes a great start [This message has been edited by A Romantic Heart (edited 06-09-2000).] |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
*Bowing with a flourish and a sweep of the hat* Bravely fought Sir! I love a happy ending Eric |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
oooh lovely poem Ethone -- what fun this jousting contest is. Such gentleness in this poem. Just sweet `netswan |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
"I just want to love someone who'll give their heart to me"." Man can I relate to this. I have such a need and a desire to fulfil those words. James |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I love this one!!!! Through your words you broke the chains and set free the wings of hope and Love this is exquistite work Sir!!!! I knew she owed her life's cares to a man that was married but he kept her dreams so impaired So I'd try to stroke her sore heart chords and ease the pain she'd reaped. but she'd turn off as I was getting close and stare away from me. so we sat on the deck and she let it out like rain her heart thoughts poured and the mind she spilled gave me a chill and I could feel her childlike hopes, She said she was tired and lonely and that she'd give her heart to me and if we became like one and only she'd bring new life to me. OOOOOhhhhhh what a beautiful weave!!! |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I would like to thank everyone for the fine words of appreciation and upbuilding encouragement. Thank you Janet Marie for your words from the deepest part of the heart and that I have written your heart and you in parts of this perfect poem. I've read your work on this board and I consider it quite a compliment. Thank you Sudhir lyer for your round of applause. Keep your fine words flowing. And to you Amy I say that it was my intention to make this a romantic work with the truth of life involved. Thank you. Netswan how glad I am that you are enjoying the results of this challenge. Thank you for taking time to read. James I know you can feel the reality of those lines I just want to love someone who'll give their heart to me. This has always been a two way street this love game and I am glad you recognized that, knowing like I do that we are all so vulnerable - Thanks so much! Butterflies_don't cry_ I appreciate your comments so much. Please accept my thanks once again for using the word exquisite, I feel so moved and taken with your "broke the chains and set free the wings of hope and love. Sven, thank you for tipping your hat to me I consider that a tremendous compliment. Rosebud I'm glad you liked the lines about heart chords, it's one of my favourite too. Thank you. A Romantic Heart - I have'nt given much thought to writing about the point of view of loving her but it does create some desire to do so. I'll look into that the same as I will look in on you from time to time. Eric thanks for the bow! I bow back to you also as another fine knight of word deeds. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
ethome--Wonderful!! I was captivated by the scene that you painted with your words...so honest it seemed and human...touched my heart, it did...thank you! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Truly outstanding , you have captured something here . Doc |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Many thanks to you Martie and Doc for your kind words, truly appreciated. |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Oh you have captured my heart with this truly wonderful piece. It's starts off sad but ends with a happy note, every woman loves those kind of endings Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
ethome...thats another challenge, a challenge I will hold you to...to look me up from time to time  I'll be looking for you;0 |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you Tracie such kind words. Thank you O I will be visiting. I will take that challenge - ethome |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Very good! *bump* right back to the top!!! ~Heather |
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