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My First Poem (reply to Kit's challenge)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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My First Poem (reply to Kit's challenge) |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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A brief explanation: I had written earlier poetry for school assignments and such, but I don't consider those my first poem BECAUSE it was for a school assignment -- the guidelines and subject matter were set for me. This is the first poem I wrote for myself. I was 13 (so that makes this a decade old). Let's just say, I had some interesting thoughts as a teen-ager.  Mike -to die entwined in the dark- I was watering my lawn With the hose a green boring snake, And a flash overtook the sky. I felt things melt and soot clouded into my eyes. It was funny, I couldn't stop smiling. It wasn't funny. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
a whole decade old? that must seem like forever to someone as wise as you *smile* here I was feeling tired posting ones that were nearly 24 years old.  well this one shows that mind of yours was already cranking and headed for bigger thoughts. I was hoping you would post to this challenge. later cool-poet-gator bs/jm [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 06-03-2000).] |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
That was a pretty cool poem! Does it mean anything? |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Hey, Butterfly Slippers! Yeah, looking back at it, I'm surprised how well it's held together. Now, before I was writing poetry, I was writing short stories and I used to compose parody songs with a friend all the time, so that's why the poem probably doesn't look as amateurish as it actually is. frac, I wrote this poem after reading Hiroshima in school. I forget who it's by. But I imagined an a-bomb going off just over the horizon, and obliterating much of America. How cheerful. The last two lines, about how I smiled though it wasn't funny, is basically because people's heads are melted into skulls, and skulls ALWAYS look they're having a good time -- always smiling. Like I said, bizarre teen-age thoughts.Mike |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wow! This was some pretty deep material for a first poem bsquirrel. Well done! I found myself reading it a few times. I don't think I want to go water the grass now! Great post to the "first poem challenge" ... thanks for sharing this with us! Best wishes, /Kit |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Hi, Kit. Glad you enjoyed -- and watch out with that hose! One thing I realized: this poem is probably the third draft of the original, which I can no longer find. So it IS my first, but also, I'm sure, much-edited from the original one (which I seem to remember having the lines "Six triangles in a circle: Black on yellow, black on yellow, black on yellow ..." This version seems a little too polished to me, which, of course, is the problem of never saving your drafts!Mike |
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