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Blondie
Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307
Ohio

0 posted 2000-06-01 05:00 PM


*One of my first attempts at free verse...It's not the best but it comes directly from the heart.  I hope you enjoy it and all comments are appreciated*

“Please help me, help me to stop remembering.  I’m sick of remembering-can’t I forget it all-can’t I hide behind my mask forever.”

She reached into her bag
pulled out the memories.
She passed through each and every forgotten memory.
If she could only remember his laugh
If she could only remember his smile
So many things forgotten,
so many memories erased from her mind.
Why after such a short period of time
did these memories have to fade.
At night she struggles with her soul
fighting to recall moments with him.
She only can remember his hands-
his rough and calloused hands
but, oh, could they hold the world!
She remembers as a little girl,
he would brush her tears with his hands-
why can't he be here to brush them away now?
Now after months of trying to forget
She screams out to remember...
Remember the people that came to say goodbye
Remember the times they laughed and cried together
Remember the times they prayed for healing together
Remember the nights she hid away in her closet
hiding from the fear of being left alone...
She prays she can live with this mask on forever
she stops...
she waits...
she listens...
Nothing...no memories play back in her mind...
she cries...
Memories vanquished from her life...forever.

© Copyright 2000 Melissa - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
1 posted 2000-06-01 05:11 PM


Blondie I just hope and pray you can hold on to some of the precious memories and let the others go.   Take care.   James
wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
2 posted 2000-06-01 05:15 PM


it is a very true poem blondie my mom died three years ago and i have trouble remembering her and what it was like to have her around only in three yrs i do understand and you did well with the free verse in which i think i stink at but yuh i can spot it and i love your poem
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
3 posted 2000-06-01 06:22 PM


Blondie,
This is so endearing, for you to express these feelings in a poem.
At first I got a double take on the meaning of some of the lines, but perhaps I was reading too deeply. The mask seems as though you are hiding something, and that's what gave it the mystery
It seems a daughter's love for her father only mellows through the years and we tend to only remember the good times.

"She only can remember his hands-
his rough and calloused hands
but, oh, could they hold the world!"

I loved this
Liz


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2000-06-01 06:27 PM


I think sometimes memories seem to be gone, when in truth they are waiting for healing time, and then one by one they return when a certain smell or place triggers them.  

Lovely and heart-felt poem!

Blondie
Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307
Ohio
5 posted 2000-06-01 06:47 PM


JMlee~  I try to keep everyone that I remember deep in the cellar of memories, but sometimes I just can't recall certain things, like this voice, which frustrates me so much.

Walt~  Thanks so much for the encouragement, made me feel good.

Liz~  Long time no see    The mask is what I've been hiding behind when I didn't want to face my father's death, but now I am TRYING to open up and remember him and try to face the situation...but so far it has been a rough and rocky road.

Martie~  Thanks so much for your reply.

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
6 posted 2000-06-01 06:50 PM


Blondie,

Those memories may be fuzzy at first, but they will come back crystal clear in time.  First you must heal to be able to view them clearly.  My mom died almost 8 years ago and the memories are just as vivid as yesterday.  Hang on to them...it is all you have left.  They should be treasured and held dear.  I hope that your memories come back to you and that they are as precious as mine.  Take care.  Wonderful expression you have captured.  

Lone Wolf

Blondie
Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307
Ohio
7 posted 2000-06-01 06:52 PM


Thanks so much Lone...it's just getting to the memories is what's causing such a hard time.
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
8 posted 2000-06-02 08:38 AM


Blondie

I suspect some of those memories are written in your eyes, the way your smile begins, and the way you carry yourself.  Your poem reminds me of "In the Living Years" - it is wonderful for the memories it invokes in me of a father I barely knew.  Don't force the memories to come back - they will in so many different ways, and on their own schedule.  Your father would be proud and pleased if he were here to read your epitaph.

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
9 posted 2000-06-02 09:56 AM


Blondie--

oh how i can relate to this! i lost my mom about six years ago. after the first couple years, i began to forget things. i thought that's what i wanted...but it wasn't. i began to forget the sound of her voice, her laugh, etc...but with time it all comes back. i can now remember almost everything about my Mom in crystal clear detail. just heal as you only know how hon, there is no right or proper way. this is a beautiful poem written straight from your heart. your dad is looking down at you from heaven and I know he is extremely proud of the person you are and are becoming. take care sweetie, and if you need someone to talk to...i'm here.

amy  

 
"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

10 posted 2000-06-02 10:13 AM


The memories aren't gone forever, Blondie. They'll come gently floating back from time to time when you least expect them. Perhaps you are just trying too hard to remember. The same thing happened to me. I thought you did a great job on this! HUGS

Denise

Blondie
Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307
Ohio
11 posted 2000-06-02 03:15 PM


Thanks so much for the comments, I hope you're right Denise about the memories flooding back because I wish they would.
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