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flutterbye237
New Member

since 2000-05-26

Posts 2
CA

0 posted 2000-05-26 10:36 PM

This is a poem i wrote to my good friend savannah but never gave to her. i usually never share my work but needed someones opion. please tell me what you think.

Hello my good friend
it is me, i am here
i've come to your rescue
to wipe away your tears

I have got you by the hand
so as not to let you fall
i wont leave your side
i'll stick it out through it all

And when you want to cry
it's ok, here's my shoulder
i'll always be here for your tears
even when we get older

And when you think you've got it
everything's in it's place
i'll let go and i'll step back
and let you have your space

But then if perhaps you trip
and you hit the ground hard
i'll rush to help you get up
'cause i wont have gone very far

And when we are old together
like you've always said we'd be
you'll fall off of your rocker
and be lying next to me

For when you fall, i fall
and when you're sad so am i
it feels like were connected
so if you're not smiling, how could i

so just like in the poem Footprints
when your life is high and going swifter
thats when i lifted you off your feet
and carried you, my sister

netswan
Senior Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 1369
Washington

1 posted 2000-05-26 10:47 PM

Welcome to Passions Flutterbye -

What a wonderful poem for your friend.
Give it to her  --   you have the word
"were" in there  change it to "we're"

Then it will be perfect

"For when you fall, i fall
and when you're sad so am i
it feels like we're connected
so if you're not smiling, how could i"

Or we are  depending how you want it to
sound

~netswan

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

2 posted 2000-05-26 11:00 PM

my most favorite stanza...

"And when we are old together
like you've always said we'd be
you'll fall off of your rocker
and be lying next to me"

a friend like you would be a blessing... this is warm & wonderfully real

thank you for the read and welcome to passions

lucky
Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 1601
Idaho

3 posted 2000-05-27 02:35 AM

Well my dear,

It sure looks mighty good from this side... I would say I wished I had someone to write me such things... But she's sitting right here beside me and she never stops writing... except for those times in-between when we, hummmmmmmmm.! Well I'm sure you know what that means.

If I could paint a portrait, of this life in which I've led, and somehow sketch a story, of the visions in my head, I'd start out with a canvas, stretched tightly in a frame, and in the bottom corner, I'd leave room to sign my name. (Michelle A. Bartley)

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

4 posted 2000-05-27 05:32 AM

This is a very special poem you have written for your friend and I think you should give it to her to read.
Thanks for posting it for us to see

and Welcome to Passions
Tracie~

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe

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