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Open Poetry #7
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Things I've Always Wanted To Say ( child abuse challenge)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Things I've Always Wanted To Say ( child abuse challenge) |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! 
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I cannot express the pain I feel when I look upon your face It's sad to think that you made me feel such an awful hate What did I ever do to you that's what I would like to know All I ever wanted was to love you but now the answer is NO! Why did you have to take my childhood dreams away? I'm here just to say a few things I've always wanted to say No longer will I just sit by and pretend I don't feel the pain I'm here to stand up to you and to keep it from happening again I see the look in your eye when you look at my kids I WILL NOT let them trust you the way that I once did You will not see them anymore and that goes for myself too This is the last you will hear from me 'cause I am through with you So listen very closely to every word I say For everything you did to me One day you'll have to pay I know how this must hurt to hear me say good-bye But you're not my father anymore You're just a man who made me cry To my friends at passions, I cannot tell you how difficult this was for me to write. These words are being aired for the first time anywhere. Thank you for all your understanding and kindness. I was once ashamed to tell anyone of my pain, but Through all of the posts I can see that I am not alone. Thank you for being there. I owe a special TY to Marina. Thank you for bringing this topic to this forum. So many lives can and will be touched. You are a very special person with a very special heart. Jeffrey |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Oh dear,what a dilemma you must be in now.... not knowing how to come to terms with your dad and hesitant about whether he will harm your children... my thoughts are with you and i hope you will find inner peace soon  ")best regards ")  |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
Jeffery, I believe so many of as are coming forward for the first time. It is the first step to healing our minds and souls. I know how difficult it is to express pain to paper. You have done so beautifully my friend. A friend in need, is a friend indeed and you have many here at Passions I can asure you. Thank you for opening your heart and posting to this most difficult subject. Your friend, Marina |
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WhiteNite Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241Montgomery, AL |
 Hate to see it happen "so close to home" so to speak. You know what's best, I surely don't know all the details. But if there is hope for change I hope things work out between you and your dad. My dad and I were never really close for a loooooong time, and within the past few years he's become one of my best friends. It took me losing just about every other friend I had to get me to that point, but even at such a price I'm glad he's in my life. Best wishes to you and your family. I'm sorry to hear of your pains and tribulations, but they were very well expressed through this work. Thanks for the read [This message has been edited by WhiteNite (edited 04-19-2000).] |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
I would like to say thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Marina, As I said before, you are a very special person with a vey special heart. It is truly good to know that this place is like a family. I feel more at home "hiding" here than I do anywhere else. Thank you again Marina, and everyone who has ever lived with the "shame" of abuse. All my love, Jeffrey |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
You are truly welcome my friend. Welcome home! Marina |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Congratulations Jeffrey, and welcome to this group of people grown who have finally stood and shouted out their pain. Yes, it is good, I know your fear and no, he should not be near. I know its hard as childhood pain binds us with hate and shame and love -----But, you have the chance to say goodbye and do it with finesse. Once my stepfather called me when my children were small ---I was shocked, when he said, "Hi princess - I am in town." MY heart went snap, and I hung up fast and ran outside and called my kids and cuddled them safely tucked at my side. Then called the police and had the phone call traced - not an easy task back then, but when it was done - he was miles and miles away --- I watched my windows and and my doors, my kids must have thought I had taken some kind of over protective mother "looney pills" He died a couple of months ago, I am so relieved. netswan. |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Netswan, I'm not saying I want him dead. What I am saying is I want him to suffer with the pain of knowing what he did and the fact that that is why he can't see me or his granchildren. I know this is a bad thing to say but if he did die today I hope he burns in....well you know. I know I am bitter, but I believe I have the right to be. Jeffrey |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Jeffrey, I'm glad you've found an outlet for your pain. I'm also touched that you trust us here enough to share it. |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
Jeffery we all go through the "bitter" stage, and that's ok. It is all part of the healing process. It doesn't make you a terrible person. Perhaps it just reminds us that after everything we've been through....you can still feel. Healing takes time, and friends and family can help. All you have to do is let them in. If you would like to talk Jeffrey, I am but an e-mail away! Marina |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
.gif) Jeffrey, How I wish your words were my words...I can always feel sorrow for others as I read the posts but still feel that my own pain is my fault...sad how that works. Your words and your note at the end were very truthful and heartfelt. My heart goes out to you my friend and I can honestly say....you are not alone. **Angel Wing Hugs** for they ask nothing in return. Hold me for yesterday Kiss me for tomorrow But love me for today. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
I admire your courage in writing your pain...it is the first step towards healing, along with speaking up to the pain giver. You are right to protect your children...a sexual preditor does not just stop. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No,Jeff, you are never alone, and now no longer silent...and with writing and sharing comes healing...take little steps and breathe my friend...your doing just fine. I am deeply moved by this and very proud of you. stay strong. take care, jm |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
Jeffery this is good to let go and flow it out through your poetry and it will help others who have been through it....my prayers are with you and the pain your feeling! Alot of courage... |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Jeffrey, I never thought you wanted him dead. Just going along with you on your decision to put him out of your life and for you to protect your children, of which I can only guess. I wanted my stepfather dead, as to my knowledge he damaged over ten little girls and my thoughts were thank GOD - he can hurt no others. I am glad he is gone, and so many times I wish it was many years ago, and I had been brave enough to do it myself. And should those death wishes ever surface, please Jeffrey, that is totally "normal" Through my life, I have had horrid thoughts and even sat one night with my sister and a butcher knife over his neck. We were more worried about the "fingerprints!" Then she chickened out, not me. -----and those thoughts stick sometimes with me. She was nine and I was seven and he was sleeping - and all we could think is that mommy said -- "He won't die, so don't try to kill him. I know you guys want to do away with him, but don't try, cuz you can't kill him! Well, my mom may have saved us from a horrid decision with her lies. And the sad part was mom, truly believed what she said. netswan |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Again I would like to thank all of you for listening and giving me the courage to talk about this. I must say it feels like alot of weight has been lifted from these shoulders of mine. Thank you all again. All my love, Jeffrey |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Trying to type with blurry vision here. (sigh)..... I don't think Im strong enough to write my story just yet. I think you said what you needed to and I hope he burns somewhere too, along with all the ones like him. |
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