At the Crucifixion of Woman

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Open Poetry #7

At the Crucifixion of Woman

Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

0 posted 2000-05-11 03:28 PM

Do not take her life.
You shall not remove her from my existence.
Do not slay this whore.
She shall not die for your tenacity,
for she is the whore of man.
Her bosom drips humanity,
this b**ch of society.
The mother of life.
She gives to us all.
Do not kill her.
She must not die.
The sin is not her's to bear.
My mother, my daughter,
Just the whore of man.
Do not take her.
Keep your cross of segregation.
You’re a fool.
Man is not born unto man,
but we burst, head first, from
within the walls ,
from within the skin of her.
We are born from
the whore of man.

< !signature-->

There is something inside me
and I know it's good,
but understanding is misunderstood.

[This message has been edited by Effigy (edited 05-11-2000).]

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

1 posted 2000-05-11 03:52 PM

I am not quiet sure who/what the "she" in the poem is, forgive my ignorance. I am guessing nature. anyway a powerful poem, thank you for giving me something to spend the rest of the night pondering over.

Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

2 posted 2000-05-12 12:25 PM

You're welcome, and you're right it is some what about nature.

forne_marin
Member

since 2004-04-13

Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina

3 posted 2004-04-16 12:07 PM

Very vivid image, but the main problem is that you never IDENTIFY the whore. Who IS this woman? The poem has the feel that you're not talking about a specific woman, but an ideal, but you never really identify what that ideal is. I loved the end of the poem, starting with "Man is not born unto man," is really great, especially the "but we burst, head first," line. Really vivid. Let me suggest, though, that you move the "from" in that line down to the beginning of the next line. In addition to tightening up the line, it would also make it jive better with the line after.

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