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aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2001-11-24 10:44 PM

A breath of her petals
changes the mood of air.
Her royal petals
slightly touch the reflection
of her blooming visage,
as waves tenderly caress her skin.

A breath of her petals
takes away tiredness of the day.
Her royal petals
slightly slide along the waves
of the flowing spring,
as the warmth of the water brushes her leaves.

A breath of her petals
takes away the pain of her thorns.
Her royal petals
slightly picked up by the wind
of June, the blithe child,
as the mild blow dries off her skin.

//please comment on my meterphor, my diction and my grammer. I thanks your help in advance.

Lizzy Vivian http://members.shaw.ca/home0/

~The first two cup of tea is to throw away; what remains is the best of all.
~Blessed are those who find ordinary things extraordinary.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

1 posted 2001-11-25 12:30 PM

I love your poetry. Are you writing in a second language? It is lovely. You give new meaning to some of our words. Joyce

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

2 posted 2001-11-25 12:51 PM

English is my second language =)

~The first two cup of tea is to throw away; what remains is the best of all.
~Blessed are those who find ordinary things extraordinary.

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

3 posted 2001-11-25 07:29 PM

Beautiful expression, Aries! You do well with English being your second language!

SmittenKitten
Senior Member

since 2001-06-20

Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet

4 posted 2001-12-16 02:15 AM

"Her royal petals
slightly touch the reflection
of her blooming visage,
as waves tenderly caress her skin"

What a lovely image this creates in my mind...this is a beautiful poem! And I'm extremely impressed that english is your second language and you write so well!

Hugs,
~Krista

Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself.
Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite

since 2000-01-10

Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA

5 posted 2001-12-16 06:32 PM

How I love the simple and gentle beauty of this entrancing poem...don't change a thing ! This is perfect! Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

6 posted 2001-12-16 11:09 PM

Lizzy Vivian: This is really a breath of spring in my very snowy environment! Enjoyed it much.

Betty Lou Hebert

wordancer
Senior Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 809
VA

7 posted 2001-12-17 11:14 AM

This has a rather charming "Old World" feel to it. Lovely!

-wordancer

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

8 posted 2001-12-17 09:16 PM

You told a rose what it truly is and I like it

I breathe the dust, the dust is me.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

9 posted 2001-12-19 07:52 PM

Eliza~
What delicate imagery is found in this piece~
Breathtaking~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

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