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PassionatelyRomantic
Member

since 2004-01-24

Posts 190

0 posted 2004-03-09 02:24 PM

My eyes do behold the sight,
of beauty in crimson rose,
as it dances amongst wind at night,
like flames of heated passion glows.

'Neath the celestial skies,
she radiates of beauty-
unsurpassed by only maden's eyes,
and that of love's dying plea.

And among the beach she is rooted,
the seas lustful touch does caress,
and sing to thee whom has been reputed,
but to cultivate beauty with no success.

In the loving time of day,
the sun doth tries desperately,
to nourish her wonderful display,
but with no avail death comes to be.

And so the night, the day, and I,
doth weep for our lost affection,
for beauty has doth left thee eye,
and left our lives with fleeting direction.

Oh! But how magical she became anew,
as our tears doth fell to ground,
beauty made her lovely debut,
and love began to resound!

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-03-09 05:10 PM

It's obvious you put a good amount of effort into your work. I enjoyed this very much! Grover.

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

2 posted 2004-03-21 10:47 PM

i agree with grover ... good write

.......
JDW III

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-03-22 04:12 AM

just my opinion..."doth" is used too much, and it just distracts from the write

PassionatelyRomantic
Member

since 2004-01-24

Posts 190

4 posted 2004-03-22 09:38 AM

thank you for all your comments, 3 doths in 24 lines or 5 stanzas? is too much? Ok thank you for your suggestion

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

5 posted 2004-03-22 02:54 PM

Jared~
A lovely penning with great romantically imaginative thoughts ... (I agree, however, on the 'doth' usage) four times in the last three stanzas is perhaps a little over usage~ (however, you already know how much I ENJOY the creativity of your writing)

I 'may' have time to look over the ones you emailed me ... just have been really busy with family concerns and 'other stuff'~

*HUGLETS*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

[email protected]

Beasley
Senior Member

since 2003-11-28

Posts 682
Cheboygan,MI USA

6 posted 2004-03-22 03:17 PM

Very Pretty poem.
Barb

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