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Open Poetry #8
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The Last Dance, Revised
| Open Poetry #8 |
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The Last Dance, Revised |
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H. Arlequin Member
since 1999-08-23
Posts 210 |
Thanks all for taking the time to comment on and thereby help revise the poem. What I've hoped the poem would suggest is, that man's power is captive to his fears/habits and in time repetitive fatigue, misuse, and abuse destroy the will to accept change. That in fact, acceptance of a captive status quo will, in the end, make of himself the bear whose dance is the final act of one's will. There are no heroic totems here, just man's abuse of an intelligent animal, and the potential abuse by any man of his own spirit. the very best, HA the rhyme scheme: abcabc metrics: xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xXx. xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xX, xXx. The Last Dance A dancing bear, I dreamed, was entertaining men who sat with rapt attention around a fire, that seemed would never die. But when the trainer, slow to mention its muzzle strap was old, had made this known to folks who sat in front, some too near moved back with haste where cold abused, but over cloaks were donned which helped deny fear. This dream changed scenes. The bear erect, no muzzled nose and trainer gone, could run fine. Yet he too tired to care, danced on, and by dream's close his sad face had become mine. --HA [This message has been edited by H. Arlequin (edited 06-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 H. Arlequin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DJLI Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237TN, USA |
often our dreams reflect ourselves...in a way, we are all trapped in this life. beautiful work... -if you don't like the message, don't kill the messenger.- |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
I like dreams... they provide me with hope for the future when I've got none left within me. Wonderful poem!  "The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." Eden Phillpotts *Cassandra Roseen* |
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H. Arlequin Member
since 1999-08-23
Posts 210 |
smoooooooooooooches you two!! thanks for the lovely sentiments. HA |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Conditioning can indeed overcome instinct. Even in a dream it seems! Great concept. jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
...and smoooooooooooooches to you as well - Nice to see you cruising through with another gem... HA - Have you considered submitting some of your work for publication in our upcoming book??? Please do??..  |
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H. Arlequin Member
since 1999-08-23
Posts 210 |
Hi jamie and thanks for the encouraging comments; Hi again, darling Nan, with thanks in profusion! Re submitting my stuff: I would love to do so. How, when, where, and how much?  ))))))))HA |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
HA, great stuff. Simply go into "edit" in your own piece of work, see the box that says something about submitting this for Voices on the Web, mark it, then us'n's can vote to submit our approval for your work to the book. Then see Voices on the Web Forum that our Ron has put together...will explain a lot. Again, this was really good. I liked the dream a lot...I have loads of dreams but they would all sound like fantasy if I ever wrote about them, as you have done so well here...as a matter of fact, I would probably have to take the 5th! Hugs, Sunny ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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H. Arlequin Member
since 1999-08-23
Posts 210 |
tx, sunny, just revised and entered this one )))smooooooooooches HA |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
...and just revisited your revision.... to vote for submission - Yeah!! |
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snow in summer Member
since 1999-08-28
Posts 67 |
Terrific poem!! One of the best you've done lately. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Great! Now I can vote for you! I've waited for this opportunity! Denise |
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