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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #8 |
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strange checkers and rhythmless coffee |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again 
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*i've been having a good ideas drought of late. today i sat in this coffee bar for a long time and read strange poetry. i saw all around me so much abstraction. on people's faces, in the decor, in my iced tea, and in the poetry. all of these out of sequence, rhythmless things that fell together but didn't rhyme... if that even makes sense. so i started to wonder... and i gave free verse a shot. enjoy.* strange checkers and rhythmless coffee there are checkers on my table. of all the tables, i got stuck with him. the checkers table. the only table actually designed for two. the eerie, soft lights cast gray shadows. steady monotonus "jazz" is the only constant here. it is the rebellious steady backbone. it is rival to the funny sounds of the shifty carpet. there is no rhythm here; my tea has no lemons, just seeds. "coffee machines for sale!" they're next to the boardgames. outside the mist machines keep the sidewalk damp. and though a coffee bar, the Caffinated here seem... dangerously quiet. and comfortable. my glass cradles the ice of my iced tea. wishing that the refills were free. and over in the plushy chairs, elusive blue eyes gather me in. her gaze has this haze... like an opium den. darting eyes. don't be so shy! come say "hi"! i'm not a silent hypocrite. it's only the shot-down-phobia. two little guys walk into the coffee bar with a mom. young habits die hard. and they spin away with the checkers in a caffinated, youthful flurry. and suddenly my reminder that i sit where two really belong whispers across the room. he laughs haughtily from his unsteady table. and hoarsely cries that now i'm all alone. King Me, pal.< !signature--> We all got our demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. [This message has been edited by Ethan_Halo (edited 06-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ethan Halo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
gotta tell you, you put me right there, Ethan. I've seen this scene so many times and you describe it perfectly, all the way down to wishin' the refills were free  Very well done, sir... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is beautiful, ethan...the first two lines are the story of my life...love it love it love it...well done, me friend. |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ethan~ What a delightful plunge into free-verse. Sipping my coffee and smiling here. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
You have pinned down the feelings so right and penned them beautifully.... So many times did I end up like this..so many times indeed! regards to you Ethan_Halo, Sudhir Death, be not proud, though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; - John Donne |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
hey sweet stranger  well Ethan..Im not a bit surpised that your free verse is just as cool as your poetry... your poets eye captured it all and took us along for the ride. great job ...has your usual edge ... when your rhyming muse comes back from the beach with mine... tell em I want another Ethan love poem... they are my fav later cool-poet-gator jm you can say baby baby can I hold you tonite maybe if I said the right words at the right time you'd be mine baby can I hold you tonite Tracy C |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Oooh,...you do free verse SO WELL!!! Right from the start I was pulled in to this piece. You had me the whole way through. Very nice job,..and neat and interesting observations and way of depicting them. Super. Take care. *Peace. |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
What a wonderful description! Very clever writing Ethan. I especially liked the line "Young habits die hard"... a good twist on the cliche. Eric. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
thanks for all the replies evceryone. you're much too kind. i reread this and it struck me as just a really boring acid trip... maybe i'm just wierd. =) JM- love poems? i only write heartbreak poems! i'll work on it. =) We all got our demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. |
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Tennessee Angel Senior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 661Tennessee |
__________________ The checkers table. The only table actually designed for two. __________________ I loved this Ethan! These lines were my favorite. I found them sad yet humorous at the same time. This was truly wonderful!! --You can either take me as I am...or you can watch me as I go.-- |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
"JM- love poems? i only write heartbreak poems! i'll work on it." EXACTLY (you mean there is a DIFFERENCE??)  please do ...*smile* later-E-gator me you can say baby baby can I hold you tonite maybe if I said the right words at the right time you'd be mine baby can I hold you tonite Tracy C |
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