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Open Poetry #8
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Pick a title-you may find this humourous
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Pick a title-you may find this humourous |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven 
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Don't Go There My Dear or Fathers Nightmare or A Daddy's Dilemma or Not NO, But Hell NO or ???????? My dear you'll turn my hair gray - if down there you stray, By taking chances you'll pay - so don't go there my dear. I'm plagued by great fear- I've seen how men leer, Even witnessed them cheer - so please my dear won't you stay. They only go there to play - I've heard lots of folks say, It's just a roll in the hay - so don't go there my dear. They all smell of stale beer - you'll not find any good cheer, No wine and cheese here - don't even think about it that way. There have no more dragons to slay - most of them are happy not gay, The dangers you must weigh - so don't go there my dear. Please don't turn a deaf ear -Your friends will not sneer - I beg of you to stay clear - I feel I'm beginning to bray They look at you as their prey - the coveted trophy of the day, Just another prize lay - So please don't go there my dear. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Does this fit into a particular style?? not exactly a sonnett, nor a lymric |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I like to answer that but "don't go there my dear." |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I knew I should have said "and don't say don't go there"....lol jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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JulieAnn Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!! |
You need a title....well I have been thinking and I think "innocent prey" or maybe just like it says...."don't go there" just a couple of suggestions...but very interesting poetry nonetheless....  By the way welcome to passions please enjoy your saty as much as I have been.... Julie :) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I would say, but I can't stay, my daddy said "don't go there..." Sunny ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Thanks for the feedback... BTW this poem came about as a direct result of a conversation with a fellow firefighter who has a son the same age as my daughter. He posed the rhetorical situation of what happens when they want to go to some of the same place we went to as young adults knowing what we know about them...I couldn;t help but use the phrase "don't go there".. the double entendre simply enticed me too much.. thanks again Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
yup, it was a fun poem, you were right  Eric. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Prometheus, Nice poem with a good lesson in there. It was a fun read too!! Hmmm . . . have you considered Hidden Dangers? Just a suggestion. Liked this one a lot. Lone Wolf Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility. --William Wordsworth |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
If you say don't then I won't but really I will so just be still It is sure hard being a parent sometimes...Enjoyed your poem! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Thanks for all the suggestions! I think though I will go with my first instinct and stay with the present title. It was a fun way to deal with a super scary (to a Dad) subject. ps all girls 14-17 are hereby grounded...lol thanks again jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Jamie, Whats a dad to do? Would I want my kid to do what I did? HELL no...but how else do they learn? Dont go there....but if you do take me too. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Well my dad would've said......"Don't go there...BECAUSE I SAID SO" My daughter is 9 and I'm dreading the day I have to say any of this...I may just lock her in her room because if she is a bit like me....OH HELL NO!!! |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
I can hear a little echo of my dad and big brother in here, very well written, I also am dreding this day when my kids grow up. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Paula, Butterfly who uses baby shampoo, and Gemini,, It will probably turn out that we have Hobson's Choice in the matter anyway, which is of course none. All we can do is Teach and Trust. Thanks jamie |
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Tanga Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39BC Canada |
Hell no, don't go there is daddy's nightmare. Right on! Hugss <**> |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Lol...this is great!! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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