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Open Poetry #8
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dreamdays
| Open Poetry #8 |
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dreamdays |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
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winsome following on in the same style she sat mute but ready he glanced at her as he arrived in the rain sounds reached her but her mind was elsewhere under the cherry tree in windy august tickling jennifers feet with a leaf of grass and thunder cracked overhead transparent tears of rain on her long white dress as she ran to the pavilion jack was already there and smiling through his blond hair hanging down his wicked face long gone days far away in the summer mind waiting days lost behind lace curtains when the grass is so silent seems eternal like a song in the mind through a day soft as lace |
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| © Copyright 2000 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
beautiful alan---again, that impressionistic style...like wispery feathered brushstrokes of words...gave me a "Great Gatsby" feeling--laugh if ya want, I can't hear you...grin. Just lovely. |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
another experiment to see if i could just flow something without edit - ran for about 1 min - to me it reads a bit soap-opera-ey but I'm glad you like it!  I edited an uggh! out of this - so now it's back! [This message has been edited by allan (edited 07-14-2000).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I hate to admit this, but sometimes life is a bit soap-opery!!! LOL..I still like it... (I've got an edit button too...ROFL...now cut that out!!! here's winkin' atchya!) [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 07-14-2000).] |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
I like it too, Allan ... Don't you ever surprise yourself? ... It does have a "Gatsby" tone ... Thanks for that thought, serenity ... Nice work Allan ... |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
I don't surprise my self enough - that's my main problem! Thanks both! |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Count me in for beautiful. Great read. |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thanks Mark... Nice of you... |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
Ah. I know what you mean – those cheesy blurred flashbacks you get in soap operas when people are feeling nostalgic?? (so you watch soap operas, do you  )But I don’t really think this is like that, Allan It reads very smoothly (and now my mouse is on strike!) and the words are, indeed beautiful. You create a dreamy imagery, snapshots of days gone by, lacking the detail of now, and hence hinting at emotions felt without spelling them out. I suppose it’s impossible to write something like this without it seeming a bit tacky, but nostalgia is tacky, so what? Here I go again, have you noticed that I have a tendency to ramble Anyway, I like it. Bet you can’t write anything that isn’t good Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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