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Open Poetry #8
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I'll Be With You Always
| Open Poetry #8 |
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I'll Be With You Always |
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kat Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 387 |
I’ll be with you always He walks into the room Looks at her and sighs Watches as she sleeps As tears fill up his eyes He approaches her so gently As he does she starts to wake He quickly turns his face away So she doesn’t see him break In panic, he reaches for a vase That is on the table by her toes From his eyes he wipes his pain He turns to her to give her a rose He places it on her chest She faintly smiles and looks his way He feels the words “I love you” She’s much to weak to speak today He jokes with her as usual Holding her hand, sitting by her side Just to see her smile His hurt he tries to hide But the same way he feels her words She can feel his pain As his silent screams get louder And he’s emotionally drained All at once he hears her faintly In shock he stops, almost loosing control “I love you, I’ll be with you always” She whispers, as she loosens her hold He reaches to kiss her gently His tears no longer tucked away “I love you!” he cries “Don’t leave! Please stay!” That night as he was sleeping There was the scent of her perfume Overwhelmed he felt her presence She was with him In his room |
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| © Copyright 2000 kat - All Rights Reserved | |||
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redheart angrybraids Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 410honolulu, hawaii |
this is so lovely, and sad, Kindly, Redheart Angrybraids |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I can hear the voices calling, sadly weeping. A lovely sad poem. jamie |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Kat this is so beautiful in its sad but sweet devotion... well written, perfect rhyme... love the gentleness of it... love the last verse. take care, jm you can say baby baby can I hold you tonite maybe if I said the right words at the right time you'd be mine baby can I hold you tonite Tracy C |
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kat Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 387 |
Redheart: Thanks and yes it is sad Prometheus: Thanks! It's sad but even worst is the fact that it's true. It's about a friend of mine who lost her battle with cancer and the man I'm talking about was her first love and they were still so much in love with eachother. Until the very end he tried to keep her smiling and when she past away he really would smell her perfume around him once in a while. Thanks for the responses I'm glad you liked it. kat |
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kat Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 387 |
Janet: Thank-you! I tried to portray as much as possible the love between them and how strong it was till the end and even afterwards. kat |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Very touching and sincere! ~~nice writing~~ dh A life isn't significant except for its impact on other lives. |
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Holly Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 127Arkansas |
Kat- You truly have me choked up here. That's such a beautiful piece. It's so heartfelt and sweetly written. How few ever are able to achieve this kind of true love..it's so good to know that some do. You could not have made a more beautiful tribute to your friends and their love. love & all, -Holly I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of. Michel de Montaigne |
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Holly Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 127Arkansas |
Kat- One more thing, I hope you consider placing this for book submission. There are few that leave me with such a feeling and all choked up..this one certainly did both. Hope you consider it. Thanks!! -Holly |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Kat~ So very tenderly you've portrayed the essence of true love ... mingled with the fragrance of his wanting. I am moved by this writing. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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kat Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 387 |
Danny: You brought this poem to the front again and that alone is a big compliment for me because I know you had to have liked it to do that. Thank-you so much! Holly: Thank-you for your heartwarming reply to my poem. Yes there are too many of us that can't find that kind of love and when we do, we are very lucky. Marge: Thank-you so much. You truly have moved me with your poems as well. Always so beautiful and some had me shedding more then just a tear or two. Much appreciated. kat |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
You painted the picture of real love very well here, it was very heartfelt. I'm not sure how long the couple had to be together, but I'm sure the quality of their love was far more than other people could achieve if given a longer lifetime. |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Kat, You have moved me to tears here. What a beautiful yet sad piece. I can see him standing there beside her . . . seems so real. This was excellent writing!!! TEnder and touching. True love and devotion . . . *sigh*. Lone Wolf Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility. --William Wordsworth |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
.gif) So tender and touching.....I could see them hear them and smell her perfume~~ what a wave of emotion. This is perfection Kat, Thank you so much for shaing this~ |
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kat Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 387 |
Gemini: This couple had been together for many years. Their love for eachother was always so strong. Thank-you for you kind words. Lone Wolf: There is no bigger compliment then when one reads something I've written and can actually place themselves right in it so they themselves feel it. Thank-you so much for your compliment. Butterflies: I'm so glad this was able to reach you to that extent. I really appreciate your compliment. Thank-you! |
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Beth Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 468WA, Australia |
This piece was extremely moving.... A lovely way to write of love at its best... Thankyou for reminding me love is out there and it does exist... Blessed Be, Beth |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
This is so beautiful Kat! You've captured such tender and sweet devotion in this verse ... feeling a little misty-eyed ... big sigh here. Really beautifully written! Best wishes, /Kit |
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kat Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 387 |
Beth: Thank-you and yes love is out there and does exist. Kit: Thank-you for reading and for that beautiful compliment. kat |
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