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Teen Poetry #3
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normally i don't post here, but...
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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normally i don't post here, but... |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again 
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*okay everyone, i know it's alittle late for a serious one, but i lost the original of this poem. i wrote in the 8th grade. and i've been trying to remember the jist of it. and the jist is there, along with better rhymes and more explanation. and there is no capitalization on purpose, so watch the punctuation! =) i hope y'all dig it.* -friends- you told me once, some time ago, that you gave up on life, 'cause it hated you. but we both agreed you should stay alive 'til you called me up late that night. you said that we die when it's our time. i guess your time made up your mind. i remember you staggering home those nights; random flings with faceless guys. selling your innocence to devils in disguise. it beats seein' a reflection with teary, black eyes. you were looking for any way to take flight; fast cars, hot clubs, or a mirror with lines. yes, i remember carrying you in some nights and praying you hadn't OD'd and died. i remember way back to the innocent times. we were three and had a sandbox and slide. and we cut ourselves with rusty nails to become "blood brothers" when we were five. at six, you hit you head on the curb because your left shoe was untied. at age eight, i remember; your first black eye. and when you were nine you ran away for the very first time. it all flashes back like yesterday. just like that, it ends today. all those times you pushed him away; his knuckles bled from making you stay. you call me up and through tears you say, "it's over now. i'm going away." "what do you mean?" "he beat me again. i just can't stay." "you need somewhere to sleep?" and you dropped the phone, to my dismay. there were no good-byes as you stepped away to the window ledge. to your judgement day. i pleaded and screamed into the phone. i'd never felt so damned alone. i can only imagine what happened next as you stepped across the building's edge. hands outstetched and chin held high. left shoe, like always, still untied. inhale deep. close your eyes. one step forward. let out a sigh. all that pain behind your eyes. you never let the world know why. the neglect, the abuse, all the hurt. the father's hand beneath you skirt. i wish i'd let others know what i knew. there's only so much a best friend can do. now you're here, six stories high. i thought you were stronger than suicide. i hope you that you're always smiling now; you'd only smile when i was around. may there be peace in your death; there was none in your life. you joined the world with a scream and left with a sigh. < !signature--> "You are not special. You are not a brilliant and unique snowflake. You are part of the same decaying organic matter as everyone else. We are all part of the same compost heap. We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." -Tyler Durden "He who makes a beast of himself is rid of the pain of being a man." -Hunter S. Thompson "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone is zero." -Tyler Durden We all got somethin' to atone for. -Ethan Halo [This message has been edited by Ethan_Halo (edited 06-18-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ethan Halo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
I have been contemplating a long time what to say. Your poem: very powerful, expressed very well My reaction: the first poem that actually 'hit's home'. I'm sorry I can't say much more coz this is beyond words. I hope your friend is peaceful now. "You could be my unintended Choice, to live my life extended...." Muse "Even when we're apart we'll still be under the same sky," LJ Smith "Hiding in the musty attic is Elusive She sits, cross legged in a midst dark cobwebs Several forms scurry to seek shelter Beneath her levitating shadow. Her back rigid , eyes glassy Gazes intently at time escaping Sliding, smoothly, as sand sprinkles Through the hour glass, A single tear grazes her misty cheek." Lani |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Ethan, while your poem does not 'glorify' suicide, it is very borderline. As you know, the guidelines are very specific about posting poems regarding suicide. If someone is offended, they will contact the Moderator and the post may be removed. I'm sorry if this happens. If it does, you will be contacted and advised. |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
all things happen for a reason and i really like your poem. it touched my heart. i hurts though when something bad. i give you mad props for your poem. |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
and for the people who cant learn to respect what you wrote forget about them. like that guy "well if they take it off" whatever. they want you to show them respect but he isnt doing nothing but trying to give you counseling or something. |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
Lani: thanks for reading it. i appreciate your kind words; or rather feelings. =) glad you dug it. ERIN: thanks very much erin. i'm glad you took the time to read it too. also glad you liked it. don't worry bout Poet DeVine. just doin her (i think she's a her) job. =) peace. 'til next time. We all got somethin' we need to atone for. |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
I have not read much of your work, but I'm planning on it from now on! WOW...very very powerful piece, and well said. Structure - w/ the reminiscent aspect throughout, is absolutely brilliant. Mind if I print it out and add it to my collection of poetry on the wall? lol I especially loved these lines: i pleaded and screamed into the phone. i'd never felt so damned alone. i can only imagine what happened next as you stepped across the building's edge. hands outstetched and chin held high. left shoe, like always, still untied. I guess I can rather relate, as a childhood friend of mine committed suicide a few months ago - it's odd, little things he used to do (such as your example of the untied shoes) pop up in my memory every now and again. (If you want to see a poem about that, check out the one titled Rob) Once again, fantastic, I can't wait to see more of your work! Vreni |
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Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
While I've never personally dealt with suicide (other than a friend who tried it) I must say that this poem touched me. I think suicide, child abuse, sex and drugs are all issues that as teenagers we deal with in some way or another. I think you put your thoughts into words well and I am very sorry about your friend. Crystal Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
Vreni: thanks so much for your kind criticism. it means a whole lot. and i don't mind at all if ya print it out! tell your friends about me!! LOL j/k thanks for readin. crystal: thanks also to you for the kindly criticism. i'm glad you stopped by to read, and i'm glad you enjoyed it. your very right. we got way too much to deal with. why couldn't i be Beaver or Opie? < !signature--> We all got somethin' we need to atone for. [This message has been edited by Ethan_Halo (edited 06-20-2000).] |
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Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear ethan, i think everyone who's dealt with me would agree that i am rarely left speechless after having read a poem, in fact i have only read approximately 4 poems on this forum that have left me with such an impression, and this is one of them... moving, brilliant, and beautiful... i've bookmarked it for future reading and titled it "the death of beauty" in my list of favorite poems... normally i would give some sort of literary criticism here, but i honestly have no identifiable way to make this poem better... heartfelt and wonderfully melancholy... sincerely, a sad tomato p.s. -- i sincerely hope this wont be the last time you post in this forum... you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you... |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Oh my dear friend~I'm sooooo unbelievably sorry to hear this. This hits very close to home. Actually, it hits home. My sister led the same life and had many problems. She attempted suicide when I was 8. I didn't understand then how it felt to be alone and in her position. I do now because I too have attempted suicide. Not something I'm proud of and never will I say more than it was because of my family problems, but it does hit home and I'm sorry you're feeling this pain. I know that yes, your friend seemed to be livin a crazy life and having hard times getting things straight,but now I know that there is much peace in your friends life. Your friend can now live with out worries of fear of abuse any more. And about the whole suicide thing on the forum---well, suicide is a part of life. Not a good one, but it does exist and lesves killer emotions. I for one think that this poem deserves to stay on because all poetry comes from the heart no matter what the topic is; this poem came from Ethan's heart and soul. Please just consider the fact that it came from inside pouring out and it has a right to be here just as any other poem here. This poem may be sad and upsetting, but let me tell you that just because suicide isn't widely discussed doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Excellent job Ethan, please share more of your work I think it would be interesting to hear what you have to say. Love Ya Lots... Love Always~*~Jessica~*~  "Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves." "Bleeding hearts release tears of fire" "work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last" "Shoot for the moon, if you shall fall short, you always have the stars to fall upon" |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
this hit home and i had to vote for it. its a great poem and i hope your friend has met peace. and may i ask where do you post your work. I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
A chilling story of hurt, feeling powerless and saying goodbye. Gave me some chills ! I'm glad I read this. |
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dreamy_eyes Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 67 |
I read this poem several times. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. You have so much emotion and problems, I hope you have shared with someone. Thank you for posting to most of my poems but how can anyone compare to this one. WOW! You have got my vote! Love Deb -x- |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This poem comes nowhere near glorifying suicide. Someone was lost, and maybe he feels she is happier where she is, but who are we to judge? I think it would be wrong if anyone removed his post, because it is important to read about his friend's struggles, and perhaps learn from them. Jenn |
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Wicced_Witch Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110Clarksville, TN, USA |
WoW...your poem has really left me speechless and even made me cry. It carries a lot of emotion and hits close to home. Suicide is a part of our lives, though it may not be a pretty one. Your poem may help others deal with the pain if they have faced a similar situation...I hope it gets to stay on.  Stephanie |
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TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Amazingly beautiful. In depth and sorrowful, touching me to the bone. So tragic to read a poem like this, but it stops to make you think. This is some of the best work I've ever read in here. I am sorry for your loss, and hope your friend found peace in the end. You got my vote. Thomas A. Plemmons |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
I am very impressed. Your poem is incredebly powerful. I am sorry for the loss of your dearest friend. In my country, people laugh at the weakness of those who take their lives, but I think that it's no laughing matter. |
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heatherbear Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48 |
I have absolutely no idea what to say- this poem hit home!! I've thought about suicide many times but things get better-and im still here. Keep writing - this is great!!! ~~heather~~ |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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