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Teen Poetry #3
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The Rain Day
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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The Rain Day |
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Kyle New Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 3 |
Not too much could be said; on this particular day. The promise of a future so bright; so quickly wiped away. I felt like collapsing; as i stood amongst the people. But something held me up; though my heart was probably see through. So many hopes and tears; were falling all around me. But no one said a word; I guess emptiness had found me. And, what about my family; they all stand in a line. I hope I dont break down and cry; my nerves are really shook. It's my turn now; I look into the box. What I see is overwhelming me; I guess i should have stopped. But, everyone was drinking; why was it so wrong? I guess i just messed up; when I thought I could drive home. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kyle - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lucius Cade Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235Saskatchewan |
Such a strong ending to a very good poem. The whole first part left me guessing, thats what I liked about it. Lucidity is the answer to all problems |
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buttercup411 Junior Member
since 2000-07-03
Posts 41miami, fl, u.s |
loved the way it rhymes....great ending,.. it says it's ur first post, hope u enjoy ur stay in passions : ) thanks for reading, love.... buttercup |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
Hey Welcome to Passions!!! Very strong poem. The rhymes went together well. Keep up the good work, and I hope you enjoy it here. Chel "True friends stab you in the front" "Always do your best, you will always succeed" |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Welcome and good day to you. I've practically become addicted to this site, it's so gratifying to realize others feel your pain, and have their own problems. I liked your poem, I'm big on "Don't Drink and Drive" and I hope that this wasn't a true story. Good luck, and I hope you stay awhile. Jenn |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions Kyle! This was a very stong first post with an excellent message ... don't drink and drive! Very well done indeed! Check your e-mail for a special message.  Best wishes, /Kit |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
First of all I'd like to say Welcome to passions!!  Second, this poem was absolutely wonderful, I'm so sorry to hear about this!! I hope you have learned what a few drinks can do to a person's life and how truly devastating the outcome can be. Best of luck in life my friend. Third of all, the poem and message was all conveyed very well in your rhyming scheme, the theme remained through out. Nice work!  Love Always~*~Jessica~*~ < !signature-->*~* I wIsH I wAs A LiTTlE gIrL aGaIn; SkInNeD kNeEs AnD bRuIsEd ElBoWs ArE eAsIeR tO hEaL tHaN a BrOkEn HeArT!*~* [This message has been edited by StarPryncess17 (edited 07-20-2000).] |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Wow, a really strong piece. It is amazing to see that this is your first post. You may have been writing for a long time before you came here I guess. It's great to see that even though it was a painful experience for you, you managed to hold it together well. When I say that I mean the poem makes sense and I understand what you're getting at. Usually when I write about something that has had a major impact on my life, things get mixed up and it doesn't make sense. You managed it really well. Love Always, Shell. |
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Kittie Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 103 |
Just wow, there is nothing else I can really say. This is a really powerful peace and so open on a topic most people put inside a closet. Keep your head up and keep up the excellent work! Kittie |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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