navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Homeless
Teen Poetry #3
Post A Reply Post New Topic Homeless Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202


0 posted 2000-06-15 12:24 PM


Ugh! Okay, the writers block has definitely settled in, and as a result, I will only be writing poetry worse than it is under normal conditions. lol.
                                            Vreni
p.s. Any title suggestions?

Hark! Perceive of this poor haggardly bum!
I'm not a criminal, as is the opinion of some.
I am homeless, a vagabond, one with the street
You do not see me though our eyes do meet.
Yes, trust your vision, I am hungry and cold
But human under threadbare clothes of old.
Once I possessed my dignity and pride
Now I survive on what donations provide.
Alas, you walk on, pretend you don't see
Deaf ears do tune out my imploring pleas.
Perhaps if my existence you decline to admit
It would allow your conscience to benefit.
You conceive of yourself as benevolent
Your intention and actions indeed well meant.
But tightly you grip the change in your fingers,
Hesitantly the guilt in your mind does linger.
Quickly you sweep the thoughts beneath the rug,
Rationalizing your act, you continue on, smug.
"It is not my duty to be concerned for the poor,
After all, isn't that what everyone else is for?"

© Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551
Pennsylvania
1 posted 2000-06-16 02:49 PM


Wow..writer's block? If this is the way you write during writers block, that was the best case ever  . Great work!

~Susie


 "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Driftwood"


Kandi
Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354
North of Hell
2 posted 2000-06-16 03:24 PM


Wow. Very thought provoking. It is so true that we all think "someone else" will do what needs to be done. Bu the funny thing is WE are "someone else" to someone else...if that makes sense.
Ummm...yeah, writers's block??? lol.  If thats what writers block can do, can I have some???
Much Love 4 ya
Kandi/Kris

StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
Colorado
3 posted 2000-06-17 01:22 AM


WRITERS BLOCK? ok, so you wanna share the wealth? lol. I personally love this poem!! I actually love all your work. You have a unique way of putting your words into a world of vision. Keep up the "writer's block" Love Always ~*~Jessica~*~

 "Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves."
"Bleeding hearts release tears of fire"
"work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last"
"Shoot for the moon, if you shall fall short, you always have the stars to fall upon"

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
4 posted 2000-06-17 01:39 AM


The truth? I've seen better from you, but this one is also good... It needs some work here and there to make it sound a bit better, but the imagery is good!

Just my two cents,
Master

peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202

5 posted 2000-06-17 10:06 AM


Angel and Kandi, thanks for the compliments! And Star - thank you very much, I guess I'm glad someone likes my work. ;.)  Master - indeed, it's a bit rough, and I this piece's biggest critic (I HATE WRITERS BLOCK)  - In any event, most the work I post on here is just stuff I sit down and type, nothing that's really edited or such. Besides that A. Nothing I write is really all that good to begin with B. Writers block, as I said before, is here to stay, thus making my poetry even worse than normal. lol.  Thanks for replying, though - I appreciate honest replies to my work, for there are few in this forum that have the guts or knowledge to do so. ;.)
                                 Vreni

Lani_DarkOne
Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152
UK
6 posted 2000-06-17 01:49 PM


I agree with everyone....this is absolutely great and you get yourself across as well as you always do.
This is exactly what we were discussing in school a couple of years ago...people's reactions to the homeless. Very well put.

p.s don't THINK of writer's block, it's all in the MIND...i know i've said this before!

"You could be my unintended
Choice, to live my life extended...." Muse

"Even when we're apart we'll still be under the same sky," LJ Smith

"Hiding in the musty attic is Elusive
She sits, cross legged in a midst dark cobwebs
Several forms scurry to seek shelter
Beneath her levitating shadow.
Her back rigid , eyes glassy
Gazes intently at time escaping
Sliding, smoothly, as sand sprinkles
Through the hour glass,
A single tear grazes her misty cheek." Lani

peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202

7 posted 2000-06-18 06:51 AM


Kandi- thanks for the compliments! LOL, I'll try not to think about the writers block, and maybe it will disappear. (kind of like the "if I don't acknowledge it it doesn't exist" type deal, right? lol)  Thanks again for replying!
                                   Vreni

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
8 posted 2000-12-29 11:40 AM


Well, i've decided to go back to the first posts in teen poetry#3, and i saw one of your poems.  You already know how much I love your writing, so here I am.  I can only say one thing.....WOW!!!

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
9 posted 2000-12-29 03:57 PM


Wow, this is from a while ago!  I think it's good, I'll have to agree with Master here, there could be a few improvemnets, but it's really good anyway

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
10 posted 2000-12-29 06:35 PM


Oooooooo one i haven't read hehehe.......nice one vreni.....i've seen better bet still better than a lot on here. Wonderful job.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
11 posted 2000-12-30 12:31 PM


your "bad" is writing is good so that makes your good writing great! i liked this one a lot.. i try to help the needy when possible  

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Homeless

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary