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Teen Poetry #3
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LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina

0 posted 2000-07-11 01:54 PM


Simple
Trusting
Honest
Me

Shady
Scheming
Rotten
You

Broken
Drowning
Hopeless
We

Over
Finished
Final
Through


*Ok, I wrote this one recently, and I thought it was a refreshing change from my usual dark, complicated poems. If y'all think this sucks, tell me, I can take it. Peace out!



It's so obvious
That the promise
Keeps me here
Painting pictures where
All the colors
Disappear
*Lit

© Copyright 2000 Meredith - All Rights Reserved
amazon_lover
Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491
Dublin,Ireland
1 posted 2000-07-11 02:16 PM


Clear and simple as you. Shady , scheming I know this too well. Sometimes I wish my ex gf was simple enough to speak out but I guess she's busy planting the seeds for her next scheme.
take care
A_L

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2000-07-11 02:17 PM


This doesn't "suck" at all! This is a wonderfully written piece, you speak volumes with only a few words. Keep up the good work!

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea

TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
3 posted 2000-07-11 02:24 PM


This surely doesn't suck! I like it, it's short and sweet, and it gets the message through.

Great poem.

Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

TAP2
Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211
Morris, Il USA
4 posted 2000-07-11 03:20 PM


Simple and short it spoke more than just mere lines. Beautifully conveyed stream of thought. If it were a book submission, it would get my vote.

Thomas A. Plemmons

"I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss The Dance"

-Garth Brooks-

Martini
Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2000-07-11 04:09 PM


excellent poetry

I don't think "suck" could ever describe a piece such as this.

You were able to express fully how you felt by using minimal words

wonderful job

LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
6 posted 2000-07-12 12:26 PM


Thanks guys, I appreciate your comments. Love ya!

*~Meredith~*

It's so obvious
That the promise
Keeps me here
Painting pictures where
All the colors
Disappear
*Lit

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
7 posted 2007-12-01 11:00 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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