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Untouchable
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Untouchable |
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Isabelle Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176Indiana |
Searching in the wrong places, underneath the wrong rock Not looking deep enough, for everything I want Not visible to my eyes Hidden away somewhere I see him all the time, but his face is just a blur A shadow in my mind, of someone so perfect There, but untouchable A love I cannot find "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls." ~Voltaire~ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeanna - All Rights Reserved | |||
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Definately well written! I love the way you use the personification! I too can relate to this! I can't seem to find my somone so perfect either! Let's hope we both do one of these days huh? Here's to finding Mr. Perfect!  Love Always~*~Jessica Lynn~*~ "Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves." "Bleeding hearts release tears of fire" "work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last" |
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Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear isabelle: this is certainly a well-written poem (though i didn't see any personification? perhaps starpryncess was confused) and i absolutely loved the near-rhymes in lines 2/4 and 6/8(whether intentional or unintentional)... i was a bit disappointed that the last line didn't have a similarly-clever near rhyme though... perhaps you could redraft the poem so that it ends with a near-rhyme of "perfect"... just a suggestion... sincerely, a sad tomato you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you... |
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mickel2995 Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 48 |
Wow, finding mr. perfect is hard and your poem perfectly describes the feelings you go through! Great poem! short, sweet and to the point. Remarkable work you have going on! good work!. Witha ll my love, Micale |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
This was definitely really well written. And I bet just about any girl can relate to it  . Great Job!~Susie "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Driftwood" |
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Nikkisweet Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 183Tx, Dallas |
Very well written. I can relate so much to this poem. Good Job |
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Isabelle Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176Indiana |
I want to thank you all for your suggestions. I'm working on redrafting it to near-rhyme for ya Novacaine for the Soul. Jeanna "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls." ~Voltaire~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
very expressive and emotional great write thanks for the share "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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