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Teen Poetry #3
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I don' have a title, requesting comments
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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I don' have a title, requesting comments |
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LoVe2PaRtY469 New Member
since 2001-01-10
Posts 5 |
Mascara flavored tears So many unerasable mistakes Mistakes I pay for everyday People can be so cruel Helplessness, unimaginable fears Humiliation, confusion, insecurities Slowly devouring my exposed body My deafening scream for help is silent to the world Sleep -- my ony real escape Dreading daybreak Welcome to another pathetic day I'm so weak, imprisioned in my own life Longing to break free from this obsolete existence Impossible [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 01-10-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 LoVe2PaRtY469 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Welcome to Passions! Excellent first poem. Life has so many times where it seems impossible to get any worse, and then it does. I have had too many experiences in this. It will get better, eventually. Hope things start to get better for you. Hope to see more posts. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions Love2Party! This is a powerful first post, with a great deal of emotion. You've expressed yourself well in this piece. Hope to read more ... Best wishes, /Kit (Please note that profanity, even disguised by asterisks is agaist our guidelines, so I was required to edit out the profanity on the 4th line) |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
welcome to passions first of all, youre really going to enjoy it here, well at least i hope so. it was a great first post. I cant really suggest a title, sometimes poetry doesnt need a title to express it...im going on and on...lol Regina |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
"untitled" ? "place title here" ? "title" ? well I can't suggest a title but that is a very good poem, very thought provoking. I hope to see more of your work "Happiness is nothing without the contrast of sadness" -Me |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This was a great first post. You shall find this place to be an excellent reservoir of inspiration and creativity. Enjoy your stay, and don't stop posting. Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Welcome to Passions. Well, I really think that this poem was great. I'd also like to comment that, hey, at least you can escape your fears in your dreams. To bring my own personal life into this........I used to be so messed up, psychotic that I'd have nightmares about horrible, HORRIBLE things, and then wake up only to realize I was about to live them. DAY after DAY after DAY..... yea so hehe, ANYWAY..... Good poem. I really liked this and hope to see you post more around here!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Bright_Eyes Junior Member
since 2000-12-22
Posts 29Plymouth, MN |
Wow! I'm blown away! This poem really showed us what you're feeling. I think this verse, "Mascara flavored tears," really draws the reader in...it's also my favorite line! Great job, can't wait for more! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
 Welcome to Passions I like the way you wrote your first post here, it's a very good one. I hope you post some more for us to read  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Welcome To Passions! I know exactly how you feel and i am shur a lot of us do. This was a very nice first post here and i cant wait to read more from you! Keep them comin! |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
I agree, very nice poem. Welcome to passions, I hope you enjoy your stay here as much as I have enjoyed mine ~_~ (no matter what happens I find that I keep coming back )"Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Wonderful poem you expressed yourself very well. Dopey I hear ya I know how it is. Just remember both of you are not alone. |
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sweetypie5 Member
since 2000-10-06
Posts 97MWC,OK,USA |
First of welcome to passions!!! This is a really good poem. I like hoe well you expressed you emotions and wrote the truth about life the way you see it! Keep writing and posting!!! *~*Hope is a walking dream*~* *~*Don't take life too seriosly~~~you'll never get out alive*~* |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
welcome to passions!! great first post, i think Mascara Flavored Tears would be a good title for this one hope to see more soon! great use of emotion~*Pixie*~ |
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