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Teen Poetry #3
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With or Without You
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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With or Without You |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Silence fills my heart, and echos in my head, the beat of a different drum, every word you said. Empty, all alone, forgotten, but still here, reflecting a sad life, pushing to be near. Heartache, pain and sorrow, inside me these all creep, crying out for you, maybe you'll see me weep. All alone, but not forgiven, the pain I cause is my own. I try to see things from a diferent way, my feelings cry to be shown. With or without you, there's no possible way, for me to go on, for another day. With or without you, I am not whole, without you, I am not my own. I am cold, and bearing fear, hands aged, beyond my years. Struggling, to see the light again, to be perfect, for you again. I try, but don't know what to do, I cannot be, with or without you. ---------------------------------------------------- Just a little something I came up with. Hope you like it. I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be great, to put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
OMG!!! this is really good. This is probably the best of your that I've read. "All alone, but not forgiven, the pain I cause is my own. I try to see things from a diferent way, my feelings cry to be shown." What a beautiful way to put such hurting words. The poem is totally awesome. I love it. You outdid yourself this time asylla  "Empty, all alone, forgotten, but still here, reflecting a sad life, pushing to be near." These words shows so much about reality in life, specially the second line. BRAVO!!! Thanks for the most beautiful read I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
i thought it was a nice poem allysa.....keep them rollin'  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I was also most impressed, but this is the first of your work that I have seen, so I cannot compare it. Very nicely written. Confusion allows the best poetry to shine through. Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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Author Unknown Member
since 2001-01-05
Posts 57Linn MO USA |
*applauds* pretty good, somtimes emotional things can bring ya down, be careful of what you say it might trigger some unhappy thought in your head as well... *dont let life bring you down, dig thru the ditches and deck it in the face and reclaim your place*---Kyle Finn....2001 |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Ditto to everyone, nicely written, your poem is great  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Ooooh I like!!! Great work |
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Wicced_Witch Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110Clarksville, TN, USA |
That was great. I haven't been on in a while, so I haven't seen any of your other pieces. After reading this one, I think I will look for your others. I can't wait to read more from you. Steff |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
"...With or without you--i can't live, with or without you..." Sorry, the second i saw the title that U2 song just popped into my head... Soulful writting, masterfully crafted...a certain ring of a pain misunderstood, or maybe not understood at all convulses through the piece like some hellish tidal wave, bent a wrecking some hapless coastal settlement...ah...(whew)... What all that is trying to say is...well, good job...hehe. ---------- Of all of the strange and terrible things i have borne cruel wittness--this is the foremost... REJOICE!!! THE SPOON HAS RETURNED!!!! |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
nice work, you write beautiful bad sadening poetry, good reality checks, anyways good job and keep writing. "The world is ending and its making me watch" -Me |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This is great, love the form.... and the topic is too true. Keep posting!! xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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