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Teen Poetry #3
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peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202


0 posted 2001-01-04 06:51 PM


Crap.  Once again,my apologies.
Vreni

Reality’s We

Self-help portrait of who
       I am
Forgotten angel on the lam.
Memories kiss the child
       I was
Battles fought just because.

Snapshot lie of man
      You are
Distorted glow gone too far.
Immersing detail of that
      You were.      
Shadow’s thoughts a darkened blur.

Human weakness of which
       We failed.
Crashing discord’s martyr nailed.
Blind Athena’s wrath
       We won.
Relax ideals, destroy your tongue.


© Copyright 2001 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
pharon
Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251
alabama
1 posted 2001-01-04 07:08 PM


all i can say is i wish i could write "crap" like you!  good job...once again!

    pharon

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-01-04 07:52 PM


You once said that you loved the dexterity of my styles. Vreni, I don't even know what kind of style that is. The style you just wrote in was great! You are so talented. Wonderful poem!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
3 posted 2001-01-04 07:59 PM


This is not crap! I liked it very much! It's different, and different is good   Great work!
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
4 posted 2001-01-04 09:28 PM


If this was crap, then I like to examine crap! uhm.. whatever that means...
anyways, i agree, your style is so special
and it allows people to enjoy the words
best wishes

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

5 posted 2001-01-04 09:45 PM


Jeremy ~ You've done enough crap examining (Bathroom Aroma)  hehe

Vreni ~ Once again another terrific poem and a unique style.  One of these days we will convince you how good your work is, but until then... Keep posting this crap!


"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-01-05 12:22 PM


Interesting style.  Clever placement of the words, i never once, before today, saw how a different arrangement of words can change a poem's meaning.  It just never applied before I read this.  It gives the words a double-meaning that, in a way, makes this into a two-part poem.  
If this is crap, then get a plastic bag, go into the back room, and don't come back until it's full to the top with CRAP CRAP CRAP!
Eww... maybe that was a bit much?  Well, THEY started it... hehehe
An incredible poem.  Keep up the good work.

Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
7 posted 2001-01-05 12:35 PM


Yeah I kinda gotta agree with the rest of the peeps here...  you write great crap...  keep it coming!!

Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
8 posted 2001-01-05 12:29 PM


I think this style is creative, great job on the poem! (See, I can go without saying cra--- er, that c word).

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
9 posted 2001-01-05 03:34 PM


OMG!!! Just when I thought you can never outdo your other poems, you just proved me wrong.  This is my favorite of yours indeed.  I love it so much Vreni.  You are undeniable that of talent's best friend  

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
10 posted 2001-01-05 03:34 PM


OMG!!! Just when I thought you can never outdo your other poems, you just proved me wrong.  This is my favorite of yours indeed.  I love is so much Vreni.  You are undeniable that of talent's best friend  

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
11 posted 2001-01-05 10:11 PM


I'm trying to figure out if Allen was using the "crap" as a symbol...or literally speaking of crap.....hmmmmm....



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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