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Path to a Lover's Downfall
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Path to a Lover's Downfall |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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NOTE: Horrible.......tonight is Heartbreak night kids.......this is a night where both of my new poems are about love's loss. Both are also horribly written. Ewww Path to a Lover's Downfall: A lost kiss within the rippling waters. No more touching for these two lovers. Tears drip onto the musky ground. They yearn the fated death. Memories past run through the mind. Bumps in the road slow them down. Time has lost its hold on life. Who would die without a soul? Emptiness shrouds the world's wind. Infinite desire shackled to a wall. A scream from their inner guts Break the hearts of millions to come. They live a life of hell. Unrequited love is torture. Lovers wither in corners of never, And I follow their path.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I'm sorry to hear about your problems Dopey, but I still think you are writing like your normal self- good that is, I'm not ripping on you.NEways, last two lines really stood out to me. Lovers wither in corners of never, And I follow their path. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Oh would you shut up! You're poem is wonderful.  I don't write like this on a GOOD day. lol Good luck and all that stuff. I am no one if not myself. ~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~ |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
This one was good too! I don't know why you think they are so bad...your words are so descriptive and full of emotion. I'm sorry about everything that's going on and I really hope everything gets better. |
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Hallie_Angel Member
since 2000-12-06
Posts 102 |
Ugh, And you last line is and I follow there path. Why wby is this someone making you fell so awefull? Catherine! |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Oh hush boy...The ending on this was really...bam. You know what I mean. Some of the text was a bit sketchy, but nothing you write is bad. Smile. ~Carly |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Javier,  this isnt very fun,your writing is good...I think that whoever made u feel this awful should really go (blank).....lol Regina hey, GREAT POEM!GURLS CAN BE SO CRUEL!(OUCH,REGINA!!)C,! US GUYS SHOULD STICK 2GETHER!LOL....J/K BRAD |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Dopey, you don't know how to write bad poetry... it is just not you... great description!! Melz!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
if this is bad, then im terrible. keep up the good work! ~JDR "A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This poem was amazing...i think your CRAZY!!! I cant believe that you think that this is a bad poem!! I must seriously suck if you consider this one bad...lol...your an amazing poet and your full of talent...Keep it up dopey |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Hey there stranger, this wasn't bad. The ending was really good, as some of the other fine sprouting poets picked up on. So, how's life? You know who hasn't been here in a long time...San. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
AWESOME!!! You deserve a standing ovation I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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