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Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2000-12-29 06:44 PM


NOTE: Horrible.......tonight is Heartbreak night kids.......this is a night where both of my new poems are about love's loss. Both are also horribly written. Ewww

Path to a Lover's Downfall:


A lost kiss within the rippling waters.
No more touching for these two lovers.
Tears drip onto the musky ground.
They yearn the fated death.

Memories past run through the mind.
Bumps in the road slow them down.
Time has lost its hold on life.
Who would die without a soul?

Emptiness shrouds the world's wind.
Infinite desire shackled to a wall.
A scream from their inner guts
Break the hearts of millions to come.

They live a life of hell.
Unrequited love is torture.
Lovers wither in corners of never,
And I follow their path.






I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


© Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved
keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
1 posted 2000-12-29 06:59 PM


I'm sorry to hear about your problems Dopey, but I still think you are writing like your normal self- good that is, I'm not ripping on you.NEways, last two lines really stood out to me.
Lovers wither in corners of never,
And I follow their path.
                                          Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
2 posted 2000-12-29 07:04 PM


Oh would you shut up! You're poem is wonderful.   I don't write like this on a GOOD day. lol Good luck and all that stuff.

I am no one if not myself.

~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~


DreamerGrl27
Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142

3 posted 2000-12-29 08:00 PM


This one was good too! I don't know why you think they are so bad...your words are so descriptive and full of emotion. I'm sorry about everything that's going on and I really hope everything gets better.  
Hallie_Angel
Member
since 2000-12-06
Posts 102

4 posted 2000-12-29 08:32 PM


Ugh,
And you last line is and I follow there path. Why wby is this someone making you fell so awefull?


                                Catherine!

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
5 posted 2000-12-29 08:33 PM



  Oh hush boy...The ending on this was really...bam. You know what I mean. Some of the text was a bit sketchy, but nothing you write is bad. Smile.

  ~Carly

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
6 posted 2000-12-29 10:55 PM


Javier,
this isnt very fun,your writing is good...
I think that whoever made u feel this awful should really go (blank).....lol
                Regina

hey,
GREAT POEM!GURLS CAN BE SO CRUEL!(OUCH,REGINA!!)C,! US GUYS SHOULD STICK 2GETHER!LOL....J/K
                   BRAD

Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
7 posted 2000-12-29 11:21 PM


Dopey, you don't know how to write bad poetry...  it is just not you...  great description!!  

Melz!!


Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
8 posted 2000-12-30 12:24 PM


if this is bad, then im terrible. keep up the good work!

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
9 posted 2000-12-30 11:24 AM


This poem was amazing...i think your CRAZY!!! I cant believe that you think that this is a bad poem!! I must seriously suck if you consider this one bad...lol...your an amazing poet and your full of talent...Keep it up dopey  

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
10 posted 2000-12-30 11:27 AM


Hey there stranger, this wasn't bad.  The ending was really good, as some of the other fine sprouting poets picked up on.  So, how's life?  You know who hasn't been here in a long time...San.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
11 posted 2001-01-02 08:26 PM


AWESOME!!!  You deserve a standing ovation

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


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