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Teen Poetry #3
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Reaching for Escape
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Reaching for Escape |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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******Okay peoples this is sposed to be a song... too bad it doesn't have music, oh welll...and I don't like the title much. Anywayzz...enjoy! Reach out and touch the nothingness Of what we used to be Let lonely fingertips caress; Erase captivity Encased in withered parenting Out tears don't cease to fall Push away reality Don't want to see it all So let love be our fall... Reach out and touch the crying eyes Don't fail to comprehend Let lonely teardrops reach the skies Erase unhealthy blend Encased in shriveled happiness Bleak skies forever hold The secrets of escapes and traps Secrets forever told Wish she wasn't so cold... Reach out and touch the nothingness Of what we're supposed to be Let lonely fingertips caress; Erase captivity |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This one seems so good, I love it. There was just something about it that just captured my thoughts. Nice job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
I love it. The first(last stanza too) was my favorite.  IsGona |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great. When i read it i didn't read it hehe......i sang it really loud. I think my parents were like "..........". Yea sirreeeeeee.......it was damn good!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Thanks you guys. It really means a lot to me to know when people read my stuff ~Carly |
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kimmy Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98 |
i lovedthis one..especially the part where it says.. "Reach out and touch the crying eyes Don't fail to comprehend Let lonely teardrops reach the skies Erase unhealthy blend"..this was awesome.. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
There you go again...amazing. Next time, you have to upload us an .mp3 file we need you to sing it to us  thanks for sharing I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yes, an MP3 would be nice, if it happens let us know. This poem was very good... eye-catching. I see how you could put music to it effectively. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Find me someone who could play it, and an mp3 is on its way...thank you so much for replying ~Carly inspiration of my art search for light out of the dark all the pictures in my heart lie awake there in my fog... |
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Bright_Eyes Junior Member
since 2000-12-22
Posts 29Plymouth, MN |
I'm very impressed! This song is wonderful....I agree with the others, I'd love to hear it as well! This one really makes you think....I like that! Great job, maybe we'll hear it someday...  |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
nice song it really has a lot of meaning i really enjoy reading your work carly! great job!!! best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great Carly, i read it again thinkin i didn't but when i did i caught something.....i like these lines: Secrets forever told Wish she wasn't so cold... I loved that....nice one. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is VERY good, Carly. I loved it a lot, it gets an 8.5 I have a critique... "wish she wasn't so cold" would flow much better if it was "wish she was not so cold," because at least for me, the word "not" had to be the accented syllable in order to carry on as I was reading. It's hard to do an accented "n't." see what I mean? That was the one thing that bothered me, minus that, this piece is absolutely incredible. One more for the library today. ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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