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Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

0 posted 2000-12-04 05:39 PM

I know a girl,
I though I knew her well,
She wore the mask of life,
To hide others from her hell.

The life that she had lead,
Had been a cold hard path,
Living in fear,
Looking over her shoulder,
To make sure no one is there.

Her life in the hands of an evil man,
Who didn't seem to care,
But as her life went on,
Her heart grew strong.

She picked up the mask of life,
Putting it on,
So others though,
her life held no wrong.

Her hidden hurt,
The pain inside,
She knew she was just living a lie.

Until one night,
Her fears seeped through,
That Mask of Life,
Turned to glue.

She had to take it off,
Before my very eyes,
When she looked up,
There were tears in her eyes.

What she told me that night,
I'll never forget,
I always though things were all right,
Although I won't admit.

The pain she has had,
Caused her no shame,
She opened her heart and blew out the flame,
But to this day my life isn't the same.

I look around me an wonder why,
And who is holding there pain down inside.

Who is wearing the mask,
That held my friend too,
That is darkening the sky,
So the sun can't shine through.

Ok so most of this doesn't make much sense, and there is no steady beat,its a poem in the process.

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes617 (edited 12-04-2000).]

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

1 posted 2000-12-04 07:21 PM

That was great. It was really sad, but I know what you were talking about. One of my very best friends hid her pain from everyone. She acted like she was fine, and she fooled everyone...except me. I knew how she was feeling inside and not for one second did I ever think she was ok, when I knew she wasn't. And even now she still refuses to let others know how she feel, even me.
Well your poem was excellent, keep writing. I look forward to reading more from you soon!

Much Love,
~*~SweetStuff~*~

~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

2 posted 2000-12-04 07:42 PM

~Thanks Sweetstuff101~
My friends mean a lot to me, and it breaks my heart when they are hurting. I belive a friend holds the key to another friend's heart. Thanks for your reply.

Dean
Member

since 1999-11-23

Posts 120
Canada

3 posted 2000-12-04 09:53 PM

Awesome poem buddy! Good job! I hope to see more from you. It's obvious you very talented!

"Live to love or why live at all"
Deano :)

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

4 posted 2000-12-05 09:36 PM

Thanks Dean! Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2000-12-06 03:18 PM

THis poem has a lot of possibilities. I think it does need work though. The flow is all around and yea. But i do like the message and the concept is great. I think the flow needs a bit of working on.
KEep posting! I'd like to read more!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

6 posted 2000-12-06 03:37 PM

~Dopey_dope~ Thanks for the support. I have just recently started writting poetry....Which is pretty noticable. If you have any ideas on how to make this better, please let me know. THANKS!

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

7 posted 2000-12-06 05:52 PM

I liked this poem a lot, it's good. To help the flow you might try doing something like getting around same amount of syllabuls (sp?) in each line. I think you're going to be really great at writing if you keep doing it

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

8 posted 2000-12-06 09:44 PM

Thanks for the advice Lakewalker.

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

9 posted 2000-12-06 11:16 PM

I know what you mean, it breaks my heart to know she's hurting too. it especially breaks my heart to know she's cut me out of her life b/c she thinks she doesn't need anyone.

~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~

silvrduck
Member

since 2000-11-05

Posts 146

10 posted 2000-12-07 06:02 PM

Wow, I loved this poem! great job!! Heck, i didn't even notice how the flow went.. lol, sorry, it just that the words really got me.
I'm just starting to 'unglue' my mask, thanks to a very special friend. It hurts, but I know I'll get there... just like your friend will...

Thanks for sharing this, you are very talented!!
Take care ~ Sarah

with the unknown comes no expectations
in this i find my peace

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