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Andrea4writes
Junior Member

since 2000-12-03

Posts 31
Fayetteville, NC USA

0 posted 2000-12-03 11:04 PM

ok im kinda new at this so please bare with me~! and let me know what all of you think good or bad it would help me alot

all i ask is that you
give our love a chance
there has never been a better
season for romance
with you i want to dance.

but i swear that every day
ill bring love,
passion,
and happiness,
to your door.
youll like it so much
that youll beg me for more
well maybe not
but you get the picture
and ill quit the lecture

just remember that only you
can make me hope
my for you will never stop
this is a chance you
dont want to miss
just give me a kiss
and you find your princess
you wont even have to ask why
youll just find that even i
can be a wonderful gal
because i love you
now
and forever!

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2000-12-04 05:16 PM

This was a great poem hun...i really hope this guy gives your love a chance. Excellent poem and i cant wait to see more!

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

2 posted 2000-12-04 07:13 PM

that was great! I really liked that. I hope everything works out good for you. Great poem, keep writing!!

Luv,
~*~SweetStuff~*~

~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

3 posted 2000-12-06 03:59 PM

"my for you will never stop"
Is that supposed to say my love for you will never stop? That would be my guess anyway. I liked the feeling in this poem and I think it's written well

If you don't mind me adding a suggestion though, puncuation in the poem can help the reader know where to pause (otherwise I tend to read on and can't breath anymore after a while

). Anyway, nice job on this

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2000-12-06 05:00 PM

I liked the poem and got confused in the same place the lakewalker did. But anyway this poem rocked. I hope you get what you ask for and good luck. Keep posting!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

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