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Teen Poetry #3
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chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.

0 posted 2000-11-30 02:20 PM


Here is a song I am writing or atleast part of it.


Here we are
going through our life.
We are not alone
for we always share our strife.


We are free
to worship and praise.
We are not afraid
for your banner we will raise.


chorus:  Where do we go from here?
         Please show us the way.
         Almighty God
         to you alone we pray.

There we go
up to heavens sky.
To peace and mercy
on wings of love we shall fly.


Maybe it should be somewhere else, but I thought ya'll would like to look at it

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

© Copyright 2000 Barbara Mendoza - All Rights Reserved
Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
1 posted 2000-11-30 04:08 PM


I like where you're going with this   Do you mind if I make a comment though?  I think the life/strife rhyme is way over used, and it might help the song to have a more original rhyme in it.  That's just an idea though, it's fine if you don't like it   I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, I know it was originally an idea you posted in Explorer.  Anyway, nice job with it, I'd like to see it if more is added!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

2 posted 2000-11-30 04:26 PM


I saw your post in a different forum looking for Ideas on this song.  I tried to come up with something but drew blanks.  The only thing I kept thinking is rymeing here with steer.  Like..
Where do we go from here?
I think I'll let God steer

but couldn't come up with any thing good.
I think you did a good job.  Glad I didn't bother puting my input in  
IsGona

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2000-11-30 06:53 PM


Well I liked the song......screw what lake said! haha.
He's my pal!!

No but seriously, the song sounds like its flowing great. Lake was right about the life/strife ryhme being over used.
It fits the song though and I often use it myself......i'm trying to get out of the cliché ryhmes.
Once again, great song!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
4 posted 2000-12-02 10:45 AM


Thanx for the replies

LW-  Give me another word that rhymes with life and goes with the song and I will gladly substitute it

IsGona- Thanx for the input and I always welcome help from a fellow poet

Dopey_Dope-  Thanx for the support   And thanx for the positive thinking LOLj/k

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
5 posted 2000-12-07 01:10 PM


*bump*

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Where do we go from here?(Part of a song written by me)

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