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Teen Poetry #3
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¤ Lost by the Ocean ¤
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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¤ Lost by the Ocean ¤ |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723
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~¤ Lost by the Ocean ¤~ The ocean is calm The wind, but a breeze Sound is close to mute Just the birds in the trees The scene is relaxed Yet my mind is a race Thaughts rushing in Such desicions I face The moon now shinin' Still my mind unsure The tide now risin' Still my heart unpure "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very powerful words and images...I loved the flow and format of this, keep it up!  *Krista Knutson* "One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." Helen Keller |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
The ocean is a great backdrop for any situation, and the contrast between the calm sea and your swirling thoughts is clearly and beautifully defined. Thanks for posting! "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wonderful! I loved this poem!!! i thought the style and ryhme and thought put into this poem was simply great. One of the best i've read up till now!!! keep it up! Much talent!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Alwye ~ Thank you so much for your kind words. LoveBug ~ Funny thing is I've only seen the ocean once(when I was really you ~ I still dream about it though). My friend moved NC and she tells me how she is always going to the beach to contemplate. So that's wahat made me want to write this poem. Thank you for your reply. IsGona Dopey Dope ~ Never fail to get at least one reply when dopey is around. Thank you for be so gracious. "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa |
This is a great poem, wonderful flow and I love the style, the format. Keep it up Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Hey, I liked this one a lot, it's done very well, I love your style. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Thank you both for replying. I'm glad you enjoyed it IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
I really loved this. I had in my mind this picture of a quiet, serene place but then all of a sudden I see the fabrics of your brain and it's just a big jumble of stuff...heh sounds kinda weird but that's what I saw.... ~Carly Home is where the heart goes when it needs a band-aid. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Thank you for your kind words. Glad I could paint a picture for you. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Breathtaking, sweetie. Serene. Nice job, Jason. Everyone should read this.... so it's coming back.xoxo Jenn< !signature--> "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? [This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 01-01-2001).] |
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Isabelle Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176Indiana |
This was good. I love the style in which u wrote it. Good work. Jeanna "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls." ~Voltaire~ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
new styles always make a poem great and thats what you've done! this one was ver unique and special! ~JDR "A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
I really liked this one! It had such good imagery and it flowed really well. Great job! |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
great work as usual it painted a beautiful picture in my mind ~*Pixie*~ |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Love it as usual, Jason! You've got talent, man. Never stop writing. ~bump to the top!~ ~*Skyfire "I am Canadian" - Joe If you set limitations upon yourself, it's no wonder you fall short of your dreams - Rhonda J. Adolph |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
JEnn ~ thanks for bringing this back. It's one of my favs. Thank you to everyone that replied. I do apreciate it very much. "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
the ocean, that is my favorite place to be. well you brought out an image,that was amazing. your thoughts racing brought out that even is something is calm look underneath and u will see a storm. "your just another duck on the pond, calm on the srface, but underneath your legs are treading, real fast." -gene hackman the replacemenst i think thats how it goes..... REgina |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
Good flow and good choice of words. Keep up the good work, |
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