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Teen Poetry #3
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9 months into a 10 month relationship ... (my other post has what I wrote in the end)
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Teen Poetry #3
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9 months into a 10 month relationship ... (my other post has what I wrote in the end)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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9 months into a 10 month relationship ... (my other post has what I wrote in the end) |
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TRiPp New Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 8 |
When this was writen it was ment to be a song (as all my poems are) .. but it doenst have music yet, so its just a poem. I really dont understand Why your doing this to me Ive done everything I can Now what more do you want from me Even though Im nothing to you You mean everyhting And so much more to me *Feeling so rejected Feeling so used Feeling like Im invisible Invisible to you* (chorus) You live in a world of make believe That doesnt include me Maybe you should take a quick look Into reality You would see how much I do for you You would see how much I care You would see how your killing me By never being there *Chorus* I wish you truly cared Really gave a (edited by moderator) about me But all you think of is yourself You never think of me I wish it didnt have to be that way But it seems you'll never change So Ill just lay here and hope That one day you'll care about me *Chorus* [This message has been edited by vlraynes (edited 11-25-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 TRiPp - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TRiPp New Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 8 |
That sucks! They deleted my other post, just cuz of the language. if u wanna read my other stuff go here: http://go.to/6(sic)6 |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
TRiPp- As you mentioned in your above response. your other poem, 'Written After a 10 Month Relationship', was deleted due to the excessive use of profanity which goes against Passions guidelines. Using asteriks or other symbols to disguise the words does not make it any more acceptable or less offensive. Since there was only one inappropriate word in the above poem, I have edited out that word and left the poem here. Your understanding and cooperation would be greatly appreciated. We are pleased that you have decided to join our 'family of friends', and look forward to seeing many appropriate posts in the future. Thank you, -Vicky < !signature--> "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truely met the poet." -vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (edited 11-25-2000).] |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
TRiPp, you have a great writing ability and I encourage you to write and write and write some more.  However, profanity, anything glorifying suicide, and anything too sexually oriented is against the guidelines of these forums. Some of our youngest members are in early to mid elementary school and we don't want them subjected to such mature material. I hope you understand. *Krista Knutson* "One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." Helen Keller |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Great song. I really liked the lyrics of it. They hit me right at home. Too bad about your other post but hey......rules are rules.....we all follow them.......sometimes we grit our teeth but this is a home away from home for us.....so we deal. Keep posting though man, this was great!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Wow, I think this is very well done. I like it a lot, it seemed to flow good and would make an awesome song. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Well, you know... before I visited your site, I thought this song was supposed to be alternative, or sappy.... Oh was I wrong! I'm now thinking that this song will be set to the lovely mood of NIN Or Manson. But I'm not judging... If it's anything like "the perfect drug" or "closer" then you've got a winner. You know you are very talented... keep writing, sorry, we all have to follow the rules. xoxo Jenn "Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. This was a great piece of work, you've got talent in the songwriting biz, I can tell! Keep it up.~Carly |
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Teen Poetry #3
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9 months into a 10 month relationship ... (my other post has what I wrote in the end)
