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Teen Poetry #3
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Shattered Basis
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Shattered Basis |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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NOTE: I don't like this poem because of the inconsistancy with the style. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this but hey...i'm honest. The style in the first stanza is a bit different from the other 2 stanzas.......I would change it but I don't believe in changing my pieces once i've claimed they were done at that moment. So this is how it stays. Shattered Basis: A scribbled up life. A torn up soul. Where do I begin? How do I start my quest To piece my puzzle Back together again? I commence my decay. My skin melts onto the floor. Growing weary, Exausted. Breathing harder, Panting. Fighting for every breath. Gasping for air, For life, And giving up everything I stood for.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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curlygurly Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 276USA |
Dopey what's wrong with you that didn't suck! i thought it was really good and the style wasn't off either, i think ur too hard on urself  Curly "So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside" -Lenny Kravitz |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
nice poem hector one question: is growing into even more decay, and melting onto the floor really way good way to commence piecing the puzzle togehter again? by the way, you really should consider posting a poem in the critical analysis forum. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Dopey, I think the styles worked fine, the poem is very good! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. Yeah... The style was a bit crazy, but it still worked!! It made me think. Again. And again. So yeah. Great job. ~Carlyannie A word is dead When it is said Some say, I say it just Begins to live That day. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
ok now Dopes, how can you piece your puzzle back if you're ready to give up. Keep going, that's all i can say. By the way, I didn't see anything wrong with the poem at all. keep sharing I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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