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| Teen Poetry #3 |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
This is a poem that I just cooked up...need help with title please. I laugh I cry No where to go. I walk I run No where to hide. I whisper I scream No one to listen. What can I do? I've tried it all. I just can't go on. Does no one care? I look for help. I search for love. But, in the end I find nothing. Will it ever fill? This void in my heart. It seems to me that the answer is no. I know this doesn't rhyme and that it maybe off, but if you have any suggestions I'd really appreciate them...   < !signature--> "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! [This message has been edited by chic (edited 11-01-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Barbara Mendoza - All Rights Reserved | |||
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. I really liked this, it was a bit out of order and that's what made it cool. And I would say "No" for a title, but that really bites. Heh, I'm no good at those. Well keep it up!! ~Carly The grindstone of life will either polish us or wear us down, depending on what we're made of. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great, a little feeling of desperation but great.  "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
You've got a great theme going in this piece Chic. Why don't you also post this in the Teen Explorer forum where Craig and Sharon can give you some further in-depth thoughts? Best wishes, /Kit |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
Thanx for your replies Kit- I think I'll do that thanx for the suggestion "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Title? I can't think of a title, that's too hard I like the poem though, and you know it doesn't have to rhyme to be good! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
first of all, a poem does not have to rhyme. Secondly, the poem is really good this way. I like it a lot. With regards to the title, it's up to you, it's what you feel the poem should be titled I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
Thanx for the replies, you have no idea how much they mean to me. "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Chic~ I think that this poem is good the way it is...I mean if you think that you can make it better go for it!!!I like the way you used the different emotions and actions and all that...Keep up the good work!!! ~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~ |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
Thanx erin "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was an excellent way of portraying your emotions...It had a lot of meaning to it, good job |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
Thanx SH "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
*bump* "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me! |
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