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peanogrl83
Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 202

0 posted 2000-10-25 10:04 PM

Oh bother, another dumb poem from me. If only I had true inspiration like the rest of the forum's participants.... lol.
Vreni

Time

The clock’s steady tick refuses to wait,
As time’s pounding beats reverberate.
Drumming, leaping, it drains my sanity,
I sigh at this new Inadvertent calamity.
Each pulse reminds me of who I am not,
Struggling, in past’s web I am caught.
The Hourglass fell, shattered long ago
In my mind, the sand’s trail ceased to flow.
But reality, as always, my mind does ignore,
Despite unwinding pleas, all that I implore.
History’s cadence continues, marches by,
A nightmares that dances before mine eyes.
As each second dashes away from the present,
Falls at the future, exhausted and spent.

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

1 posted 2000-10-25 10:27 PM

well, if you wrote this without inspiration, your awfully special, great peice here, i loved how you tied in the time

This was amazing:
"The Hourglass fell, shattered long ago
In my mind, the sand’s trail ceased to flow."

jeremy r

"...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

2 posted 2000-10-26 07:35 AM

that was awesome!! I loved it!!

"The clock’s steady tick refuses to wait,
As time’s pounding beats reverberate.
Drumming, leaping, it drains my sanity,"

that is my favorite part. great work, keep writing!!

Luv,
~*~SweetStuff~*~

~*~ YeStErDaY iS tHe PaSt, 2mOrRoW iS ThE fUtUrE, ToDaY iS a GiFt, ThAt'S wHy We CaLl iT ThE pReSeNt. ~*~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2000-10-26 10:19 AM

I don't know why you don't think this is good at all. I can't wait to see you write when you are inspired.

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2000-10-26 04:31 PM

Acire we well never see a poem in which she likes. Every single poem in which i have read starts out with a little note saying "oh this is dumb" or something like that. So yea, obviously we all think it's great and it TRULY IS, but hey.....she's hard on herself.......as we all might be.
I know I am. There is not a poem that i've ever written that i've liked to perfection.
I, and maybe she's like me, view writing like a surfer views a wave.
You know that PERFECT wave surfers are always talking about? The one that you'll never forget riding....the one that could kill you but didn't and the rush was so great? Yea, im waiting for that perfect poem.
Maybe she is too.

"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

peanogrl83
Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 202

5 posted 2000-10-27 04:42 PM

Jeremy - lol, thanks. One who writes w/out inspiration is just dull, my dear. (An apt description for myself... lol.

Sweetstuff- Thanks for the reply!

acire-...see, THAT'S the problem - There IS no inspired Vreni. lol. thanks for the compliments and the reply!

Dopey - LOL. Indeed, I do believe your wave analogy is a good one for the most part. Except, I'm on the verge of giving up on waiting for that poem, mainly due to the fact I've yet to write anything even remotely good. lol. But thanks for replying, as you always do(and I appreciate it greatly!) ! :.)

Vreni

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

6 posted 2000-10-27 04:48 PM

Ahhhhhhhh!!! Stop saying your poems are not good. Just stop!! They are good. You may not like them but they are good. This one had a really good flow and you make it seem so dramatic. Nicely done

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

7 posted 2000-10-28 01:55 PM

Hey. You wanna know what I liked about this?? EVERY SINGLE LINE. You've got talent, don't waste it. You're allowed to admit that something you do is good!! heh..well stay cool. see ya..

~Carly

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