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Teen Poetry #3
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Good-bye, Not Forever
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Good-bye, Not Forever |
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Ender Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200Yuma, AZ USA 
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*Note*---This poem is using a new style for me. I have never done this before....rhyming isnt my thing...but, tell me what you think** < !signature-->I wish it weren’t true I wish we weren’t through But that is how life is But maybe, just a kiss Just a kiss to say goodbye Lean on me, I sing a lullaby Together tonight, is the last We both wish it not fast Cherish, is the kiss For it will be missed All the time spent together Remembered, forever Not forever is good-bye Please, princess, don’t be shy I will still be there Your side in my care Forever, love will always be You have opened my eyes to see Be, where would I? My life, full of lies Memories, forever Love, together All of it coincides We must move on, our very lives For you, I love But give me a shove Leave you, I cannot To think that very thought Good-bye my princess Not forever, goodness There, I will always be For you to look, and see *Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender* [This message has been edited by Ender (edited 10-22-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Richard Melick - All Rights Reserved | |||
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. This was great!! I gotta admit, I kinda liked your other style(s) better tho. Way to rise up to a challenge!! Good job, and happy writing... ~Carly The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. ~Isaiah 9:1-2 |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
i thought it pretty neat because of how you expressed coming apart from someone, also i liked how you put it: "For you, I love But give me a shove Leave you, I cannot To think that very thought" "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well hey........good bye's suck and i know how that is. So i just hope things are ok and good poem. thanks for sharing.  "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
well...i havent read any of your other stuff, but this was kinda hard to follow, meaning wise anyway, maybe im just tired, i dont know, but hey keep it up maybe ill be awake for the next one hehe always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :) |
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Ender Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200Yuma, AZ USA |
Thank you all for your replies. This style is new and different. I am not one to make them rhyme....but thanx anyways *Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender* |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I think this poem has a good meaning behind it.... but I'm not sure I favor the style. Maybe if you tried to rhyme every other line... instead of every line? But it's always good to try something new. Jenn "Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I didn't hate the style, so I suppose it seemed fine to me  Sometimes I notice people forcing rhyme and I didn't sense that when reading your poem. I like the poem I really like this part of it: "Good-bye my princess Not forever, goodness There, I will always be For you to look, and see" < !signature--> "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! [This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 10-23-2000).] |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
good poem i liked it a lot and u did a pretty good job for this being the first time rhyming *~BRANDEN~* "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger" |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
This is good for your first try! Keep it up! |
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