I'm new here but could you please give me some feedback

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

0 posted 2000-10-16 07:30 PM

Hi everyone. This is my first poem to post here. I'm would like any criticism/comments you would like to give me Thanx

Waiting By The Phone

I'm sitting home alone
Just staring at the phone
Lord, how I want it to ring
Just to hear your voice
But it's over
And I don't have a choice

I have to stop waiting by the phone for you to call
If I want to be someone at all
I can't let you run my life
I can't let you drag me down
You didn't want me hanging around
So I left without a sound

I can tell you won't be back
I know that you're gone
I just have to live my life
Cause I know I must move on
It's so hard to fight back these tears
It's so damn hard to stay strong
When I think of the time we spent together
Or I hear your favorite song
I pray to God to get you back
Even though I know it's wrong

I did not want to leave
Now I'm trying not to grieve
Every time the phone rings, I know it must be you
Every time it isn't, and I begin to feel blue
I must realize that you're not gonna call
Cause to you I don't mean nothing, nothing at all

I know I'm beating myself up
I know I'm not to blame
Then I see you with another
And all I can feel is the shame
How could I let you go
Why didn't I stop and just say no
But you, you had the final say so
You're the one that chose to fly
You're the one that said good-bye
You decided to leave me
In the end you set me free
Livin' this lie just isn't right
Telling myself we'll be all right
We had no chance to stay together
I knew this love wouldn't last forever
It was your choice and yours alone
So I'll get up from this phone
And I'll leave you on your own

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

1 posted 2000-10-16 07:35 PM

Hey!! I just want to say WELCOME!! This was a great poem. It is so hard to let go sometimes...I wish you the best of luck with your situation, and keep your head up. Keep writing, it helps to ease the pain sometimes...

~Carly

"I see," said the blind man to his deaf wife reading the newspaper.

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

2 posted 2000-10-16 07:41 PM

Wow. I definitely felt this poem...I think we all can relate to that hopeless feeling of not being able to let go when u know u have to. Am I right or am I right?

Well, GREAT first post, and thanx so much for replying to my poem hun. That means a lot to me. Keep it up!
Mucho Amante
Kris

~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~

~All that I have found in reason is reason just to not believe.~

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2000-10-16 07:52 PM

Welcome to Passions Keoni!

We're glad to have you our community of poetry friendship and look forward to having you share your poems with us.

This is a great first post. It's so difficult to "get up an walk away from that phone", but sometimes, it is the right thing to do as you've described.

I hope to read more (check your e-mail for a special message)

Best wishes,
/Kit

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2000-10-16 08:33 PM

Yea, checking that e-mail for a special message is always fun isn't it?!?!?!?!
well anyway....the poem seems as if you gave your partner the ultimatum of leaving you and then he/she chose to do it. I'm not sure but thats how i interpreted it. Oh well, great job in expressing yourself. I felt this all the way. WELCOME TO PASSIONS, our sanctuary of words and sentence fragments!

"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

5 posted 2000-10-16 08:41 PM

Welcom to passoins. I hope your stay is long and ejoyable. You wrote an exelent poem and I'm gald you shared it. I only hope your situation gets better
best regards
IsGona

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN"
~Hatebreed~
"I am, who I am
and what you think,
I don't give a damn"
Chilli Peppers

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2000-10-16 08:47 PM

Werlcome to Passions!!! This is very well written and very well expressed. Thanks for sharing it and i hope you find yourself a part of passion's family. keep sharing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2000-10-16 10:21 PM

Hey!! Welcome to passions!! Great first poem...One of the hardest things in life is to try and let go of something you care about so much and change can be a scary thing. I think you portray like everything people go through and feel in your words . Excellent!

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

8 posted 2000-10-16 11:08 PM

Welcome

This is a really good first post! This poem tells so well how your feelings are, you did a great job writing it. I hope to see more soon!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.